The Connection Within
by Theyumenoinu
Summary: Kirk awakes in an unknown building after beaming down to an unidentified planet. He finds himself sick and dying. With no recollection of how he got there and why. He later learns that he has been abducted along with McCoy and Spock. Who are these aliens and what are their intentions for keeping Kirk alive? Kirk/Spock slash.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Please note that I will update every few days, please be patient!  
**

**WARNING: This fic contains graphic violence.**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Star Trek franchise or its characters.**

* * *

**Chapter 1**

_Images, blurred with shapes and shadows looming overhead. A pain sharp and burning near his left eye, entering his head making his skull feel as though it was splitting in two. A muffled scream emitting from the gag they had placed in his mouth. The shadows in his vision began eating away the rest of his vision. Sounds were muffled and echoed around him._

_A voice, "We're losing him."_

_Another voice timid and pleading, "Jim, stay with me here!" _

_A third voice spoke in a deep threatening voice, "If he dies, I will make sure you are severely punished."_

_Another sharp pain, only this time it shot from his hand. Burning its way up his arm, making him cry out again, but it wasn't enough to keep him conscience. He let the darkness consume him._

_Before he faded away, the last thing he heard was an inaudible panicked voice inside his head, "Jim!"_

Kirk awoke with a start, a bright light shining in his face that caused him to squint and blink through the temporary blindness. He slowly became aware that he was lying in a bed, the giant light hanging low above him. His mouth was extremely dry and he coughed as he tried to swallow. Knowing he was weak, he didn't attempt to sit up but instead shifted his head to survey his surroundings and winced at the sharp pain that sparked for a moment inside his skull.

Gradually his eyes adjusted and the room flooded to his vision. It was a quaint barren room with a solid door and no windows. It appeared to be made of some kind of metal that was different than any in the Enterprise and he deduced that that was not where he could possibly be.

_What happened? _He thought, trying to recall the events of the day. He remembered receiving a distress call from an unidentified planet in the quadrant. A planet that was not in any of Starfleet's records nor was it picked up on any of the ship's scanners until the call was patched through. It pertained to the spread of a deadly virus and those who were unaffected requested to be rescued by any vessel before they were struck down as well.

Feeling a little uneasy but unable to deny the call, he ordered the Enterprise into standard orbit and had Scotty beam Spock, McCoy, and himself down to the planet's surface to inspect and assist. Although he couldn't remember what happened after that, he strained to recall anything.

Abruptly a ringing erupted in his left ear so loud it caused the pounding in his head to increase. He tried to lift his hands to his head but found them strapped down. Attempting to relieve the pain, he swished his head from side to side, hoping somehow the pressure would decrease. The pounding became sharp, ripping down his skull. He howled in pain, begging and pleading to nobody for it to stop. He could feel a warm liquid dripping from the left earlobe and settling against his neck.

The door jerked open and somebody was pushed so violently inside they stumbled against the bed, clutching the side of it to steady himself. Kirk couldn't concentrate on the stranger beside him. The pain began shooting down his neck, into his arms, his chest. His strained screams grew louder.

"Fix him now!" A booming voice ordered.

"I'll do what I can! I'll be lucky to do anything productive with all these medieval devices you've provided. I'm a doctor not a butcher!" A sarcastic voice snapped back. He lightly touched Kirk's arm and leaned down to his face. "Jim? Can you hear me? Jim!"

Kirk couldn't answer; the sharp pain in his skull was suddenly on fire, burning him within. His vision became a light show, flashing in his failing vision. He screamed again, hands balling into fists.

Another sharp sting in his hand made his body jerk. The familiarity of the fire creeping up his arm forced tears from the corners of his eyes. His body began to convulse from the pain, head banging against the bed. Two shaky hands grabbed onto either side of his face, pinning it down as the rest of his body writhed.

"Jim, please!" McCoy whispered by his ear, begging as another scream ripped from Kirk. "Please Jim, you have to fight it! Don't give in, dammit!"

The pain began to subside, and his body began to relax. The medicine McCoy had put into his body calmed the convulsions and he felt a wave of exhaustion hit him. He could feel the heat emanating from his face and McCoy's cold hands, his breathing was labored and each breath burned his throat. He hoarsely whispered, "Bones." Then felt the comfortable ease of slipping back into unconsciousness.

* * *

The next time he came to, the room was deserted. Kirk felt extremely weak but a sense of urgency overcame him. He felt the need to sit and find out where they were holding McCoy and Spock. Was Spock dead? No. He didn't know how, but he felt that Spock was still here somewhere. But was he injured? He knew McCoy was alive which brought a sense of relief to him and knowing he was well enough to snap back at what he only assumed was their captors assured him even more.

Kirk once again attempted to move his hand and this time to his surprise, there was no restraint to stop it. His arm felt like lead as he raised it up and brought his hand to his face. Gingerly touching his head, he winced as the small spark of pain shot through it again. The hand pulsed and he glanced at it, a needle was embedded in his skin and was taped down to keep it in place. He didn't know much about medical procedures but he recognized from old Earth's hospital pictures that this appeared to be used for medicine injections and for the IV to attach to.

These procedures weren't use for centuries since the hypos were invented, less intrusive. Why was McCoy using this when he had his Medkit on him? Did the captors understand the new age medicine he carried or did they purposely want McCoy to use their own medical equipment? Either way the situation did not bode well.

Then a thought occurred to him. The Enterprise, was the crew all right? Was it still in orbit? Were they still on the same planet they beamed down to? All these questions frustrated Kirk. He needed to know, it was his responsibility to know the condition of his crewmen and his starship, to keep them safe. To allow this to happen and with no knowledge of how it happened unsettled him.

Kirk scooted both his arms to a position where he could try to push himself up. His arms shook as he slowly raised his torso. He could feel something slide backward in his skull and it sent him reeling onto his side, retching over the bedside onto the floor below. A heat flared over his body as he moaned in agony, laying his head back down onto the bed but staying on his side. It was futile to move in his condition. His effort as Spock would put it was illogical since it appeared that if he were able to move around, there seemed to be no escape.

Sweat dripped down his face as he felt his temperature rise. He was seriously hurt or sick or even both. Was it the virus? Or was that a ruse to lure the Enterprise to this planet? Why couldn't he remember the time lapse between beaming down and now?

The door jerked open and once again his longtime friend was flung into the room. A giant muscular humanoid stood in the doorway, a phaser he had stolen from one of them no doubt was latched in his giant hand, pointed at the doctor. The humanoid had a dark skin, bald head and what appeared to be black tribal tattoos down his entire left side of his body. Pale purple eyes glared at McCoy who was picking himself up off the floor.

"I would appreciate it if you didn't feel the need to push me every time you bring me here. I might break something and be unable to perform my job, then where would you be?" McCoy snapped at him as he brushed himself off. He looked as though he had been put through hell. His skin was ashen, and black circles were dark under his eyes. Bruises were scattered throughout his arms and face, and a cut was steadily bleeding from his lower lip.

"Bones." Kirk whispered, staring up at him weakly. A tired but saddened look crossed the doctor's face.

"Jim, try not to waste your energy." He spoke soothingly as he pressed his fingertips to the artery in Kirk's neck, taking his pulse the old fashioned way, then placed his palm against his forehead to check for a temperature.

Kirk shakily raised his hand up and grabbed ahold of his wrist.

"Spock?"

"I don't know. They won't tell me anything and they won't let me see him. They only told me that I was to attend to you. If I'm not here, I'm trapped in my own room and it's just as fancy as yours." He muttered and Kirk slowly released his grip.

McCoy bent down and grabbed a syringe full of a strange liquid and began injecting it into kirk's needle in his hand.

"Bones." Kirk whispered, "Are you all right?" He struggled to speak.

"Don't worry about me, Jim." He whispered, "You need to focus on you. They apparently want you alive for a reason. They've been making sure to pound that into me." Something crossed his face as if he didn't want to finish the sentence with a literal comment. He didn't want to worry Kirk when he was in such a critical state.

"What's wrong with me?" Each word was strained as Kirk spoke. His mouth and throat were so dry, and his lips were cracked so badly that he felt it split open as he finished his question. His body roared with thirst and hunger.

"You're sick. I'm not sure with what or how. All I can remember was waking up in this strange place and they brought me into an old operating room where you were unconscious. They want you alive but it seems they want you to stay weak. They require both of us to be weakened, possibly to keep us from escaping. They won't give us water or food. They just want me to keep giving you shots of God knows what to keep your bodily functions from failing." He grabbed onto Kirk's shoulder, squeezing it as if trying to tell him there was more information but he couldn't tell him with a guard over his shoulder.

"Are you finished with your examination?" The voice of the guard echoed throughout the room.

McCoy angrily whirled around at him, "He has a high fever and from the readings of his pulse he is under a great amount of stress! I'm sure his blood pressure is through the roof! His organs can't handle it for a long period of time. If he stays like this he could die!"

"If he dies, you will be punished." The guard said flatly.

"I need my kit to help him, dammit! I can't work with this alien substance I keep getting!"

"Not our problem. Fix him or perish."

McCoy was about to retort but Kirk stopped him by touching his hand. His breathing was becoming labored again, his vision was beginning to blur. A look of pure helplessness crossed over McCoy's face. The guard entered the room and grasped McCoy's arm and yanked him away from Kirk. He was too weak to fight him and allowed the burly man to shove him out of the room, the door slamming shut behind them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"_Spock, I can't breathe." Jim whispered into the darkness. He was floating in nothingness, alone. He felt fear overcome him, a cold sensation creeping up inside his chest, tightening it. Where was he, didn't he know he needed him? A surge of pain broke through the darkness, knives piercing him at every angle. The stabs became flames that engulfed his body, burning him alive. He just wanted the pain to stop, to let go, to die. _

_Then as quickly as the pain came, it ceased. Warmth enveloped him, his panic washed away. His breaths came easier to him and the pressure in his chest released._

"_Jim." A voice echoed._

_Kirk fought to find the voice, struggling through the thick sludge of black that held him in place. He wanted, no, needed to find it. _

"_Spock!" He cried out, "Spock!"_

_Something tugged at him, pulling him away. He didn't want to leave, he fought against it. It tugged him from the warmth, the pain returning. Before the warmth slipped away from him completely, he felt a wave of sadness._

_Spock's voice echoed in the distance, "Jim!"_

_The fire returned, ablaze in his chest. It formed around him, sinking him down into an abyss of pure agony. He couldn't see anything, couldn't feel anything but the stinging heat pulling him under, faster and faster, until it consumed him._

Kirk jolted awake gasping for air. The bright light penetrated his eyes. Shapes and shadows stood over him, still feeling the fire at his chest. A ringing so loud in his ears he swore he would go deaf. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think.

"He's coming around!" McCoy's muffled voice shouted above him.

His eyes rolled around, but his sight refused to clear. The blurred face of the doctor soon loomed in his vision.

"Can you hear me?"

Kirk only nodded, not trusting his voice.

"You nearly left us, don't do that again. We need to get out of here and you dying isn't going to help that, you hear me?" McCoy whispered. He only wanted Kirk to hear.

Again Kirk nodded.

McCoy pivoted around to someone behind him, "If you want him alive, I suggest you follow the advice I gave you earlier. There are only so many times I can bring him back before his heart gives out completely!"

He flew out of sight and a moment later a new face appeared over Kirk. He couldn't quite make the man's facial features out but he seemed familiar. Another burn entered his hand again, creeping up his arm. The shadows began to dance, leading him slowly into a calm darkness.

Before the face vanished he heard a voice that nearly stopped his heart, "Don't die yet, James T. Kirk. We haven't finished what we've started."

Kirk's final thought before the darkness snatched him away again was, _Khan._

* * *

The first thing he felt was the pounding in his head. Groaning, he dragged himself from unconsciousness. His body ached as he found himself slumped and tied to a chair. Kirk's body shook slightly, knowing he was near his limit of fighting off the disease that wreaked havoc inside him. Footsteps sounded from behind him as Khan walked around Kirk to face him. A smug smirk growing on his face, he leaned down, grasping his chin and forcing his head to look up at him.

"Hello Kirk. It's been quite some time since our last rendezvous. You don't look so well." He said smiling.

"What are you doing here? You're dead." Kirk's voice cracked, he tried to stabilize it but failed.

Khan forcefully shoved Kirk's face back, "A common misconception, but I have to give my admiration toward your ability to outwit me."

Kirk gave a weak smile. "I'm sure that's frustrating."

"It's infuriating!" He barked. "It was only my desire to destroy you that kept me alive."

Kirk glared at him, how had he survived the blast from Genesis? A thought hit him, his eyes widened with the sudden knowledge. Khan nodded in agreement.

"Yes, Kirk, I told you that I do not require oxygen to survive. I found refuge on the planet which rejuvenated my body and made my escape." Khan slid himself down onto the opposite chair a few inches from Kirk. Not taking his eyes off of him.

"How did you—"

"That is none of your concern, Admiral." He spat, cutting him off. Then a smile curled at his lips. "I told you, I always get what I want in the end." He cooed.

Kirk swallowed. He remembered that threat when he had dropped Khan and his crew off onto the abandoned planet, thinking that would be the last time he would have to face him. Only to have encountered him again as Khan had stolen the Genesis rocket and took pleasure in tormenting Kirk. Though, Kirk had many tricks up his sleeve and Khan in a last ditch effort to destroy him, detonated the device. He thought Khan had perished, how foolish he was to think that.

Kirk took in a shaky breath; the virus was attacking him again. He felt his energy depleting, a heat rising in his body as beads of sweat formed at his forehead and dripped their way down his temple. Swallowing before he spoke, "You're intentions are to k—?"

"Kill you?" Khan interjected, "Yes, eventually. I have more pressing matters than that." Leaning in as close to Kirk as he could, his smile grew when Kirk weakly tried to appear strong. "I wish you pain first, Kirk. I thought the pain you suffered last time was not nearly enough for destroying my people, my wife."

"Is that all you want?" Kirk's voice strained.

"No, I still seek my first desire. To rid this universe of any being less than superior and I require you alive for that."

"Go to hell." Kirk whispered.

"Kirk." He spoke nonchalantly, "No need for that kind of language." His smile widened, "For you see, this time I'm in control. This time, you will not win." Khan glanced over Kirk's shoulder as the sound of a door opening echoed through the room and jerked his head to indicate something.

More footsteps were heard as another person came into view. Kirk's breath caught in his chest. The shirt was ripped and mangled so terribly, it barely hung onto his body. Gashes that were slowly healing were quite visible on his chest. A giant bruise covered his right cheek, and his lips were cracked and bleeding just like the doctor's and his which indicated that he was not receiving any water either. Only Kirk knew him well enough to notice the slight pained hunch and limp as he stopped near Khan. Another giant humanoid looming behind him, a phaser locked onto his backside.

"Spock." Kirk breathed. A pang rung out in his chest and his gut clenched. How had he not known that his bond-mate, his love was so severely wounded? He felt selfish that he had only cared about his own pain and suffering not to have used their mental link when they had connected to check on his status.

_That's it, isn't it? _Kirk thought, raising his eyebrows up at him, attempting to ask his question silently. He recalled the warmth and how his pain had disappeared. _You took it all away. You shielded me from it so I could be comfortable. _Kirk felt sadness well up inside him. _You wanted me to be comfortable before I died._

A brief moment of pain swept over Spock's face. It was so quick he knew Khan had missed it. But to Kirk it was an acknowledgement to his thoughts. Spock understood what Kirk was thinking and it had hurt him to know Kirk was in a great amount of pain, that his love was dying.

"One hears many things, Kirk." Khan tore through the silence, rising from the chair to stand uncomfortably close to the Vulcan. Spock did not flinch or waver as Khan grasped his chin in his hand, studying him. "It is not difficult to obtain certain," He trailed off for a moment, glancing back at Kirk, "information."

A blurred motion and a loud _smack _rang out in the air as Khan backhanded him. Kirk's eyes widened, pained to see him struck and feeling helpless that he could not aid him. His emotions receded, trying to hold them in place so Khan wouldn't use it against him. But it was too late, Khan had noticed.

Spock did not cry out or indicate an emotion has Khan began to beat him. He only made small gasping sounds with each blow. But only a Vulcan could take so much from the superhuman. He began to crumple to his knees, clutching at his chest as Khan kicked him continuously. Then Kirk saw Spock's control waver. His eye squeezed closed, his jaw clenched, trickles of green blood dripping from his mouth as he hacked, gasping for air.

An energy sprung to Kirk's body, his voice though strained did not shake weakly as he cried out, "Stop!"

Khan halted, and Kirk watched as Spock fell to all fours, shakily keeping himself from hitting the floor. He didn't want to show that much weakness. Spock wheezed slightly, Khan had broken ribs, and no doubt there were other internal injuries.

"Please." Kirk pleaded, not looking away from Spock. He couldn't hide the sorrow, the fear, and the pain from his face. He couldn't bear it. Spock turned his head and stared at Kirk.

"Spock." Khan spoke coldly, "Are you ready to comply?"

Kirk was confused suddenly, comply with what?

"I refuse."

"May I remind you, Vulcan, that I hold Kirk's life in my hands?" Khan bent down to Spock's level, whispering in his ear. "Or do you wish to feel your very existence ripped away as you feel your bond-mate die? From what I understand of it, it is the most painful soul crushing feeling any Vulcan could ever experience. Most go mad."

Spock looked quickly away from Kirk, attempting to hide a small amount of fear on his face and Khan smiled.

"No."

Khan rose to his feet quickly, anger pulsating from his body.

"You will obey me eventually." Khan stared back at Kirk, a cold smiling etching its way across his face.

Kirk understood, this wasn't over, it had only begun.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Yes, this Khan is based off of the original Khan. Though I may have taken a few small characteristics from the new one, I still mostly go by the original. Sorry for any kind of confusion. Also, this story will dart back and forth from Kirk's and Spock's POVs. Thank you for reading and remember to please review!**

**Chapter 3**

Spock sprung from a hard mattress already on high alert. He couldn't remember this place or how he was brought here. He searched the room, just one door bolted shut, barren. A chill was present, not cold enough to make him feel uncomfortable yet, but given enough time he knew it would cause a problem as he observed it steadily decreasing. He deduced that where he was being held, the captors were familiar with Vulcan anatomy and the body's severe intolerance of the cold. Though, he could not quite recall the event of his capture.

A thought brushed his mind, _Jim._ Where were they keeping him? Spock knew that if he had been easily abducted it was only logical to assume the captain and the doctor had been as well. Briefly he hoped that the doctor was with him, and hoped the good doctor would maintain his desire to spew his impulsive thoughts carelessly, if not for his sake but for Jim's as well. A strange feeling began to rise from his stomach into his chest, at the back of his mind he felt something flicker ever so faintly. He could not ignore it, he knew who was calling for him, but it seemed strangely different.

Closing his eyes, he allowed the message access. He felt the small spark of connection but did not anticipate the sudden impact of pure pain. It slammed into him, almost taking away his breath as he fought to center his thoughts. A fiery pain, scraping along the center of his skull as it threatened to tear it apart. His body felt heavy, a burning sensation coursed through his veins. Thoughts screamed in agony—Jim's thoughts. Inhaling an unsteady breath, he untangled the disorganized noise from his own thoughts, trying to decipher it but finding it frustratingly jumbled.

"_Jim." _He whispered along the connection, but there was no answer just an intense increase of pain. _"What is happening, T'hy'la, you must answer." _

There was only silence.

Then he felt it, the connection beginning to dim. Something was slipping slightly, slipping away from him. Jim was leaving, forcefully pushing Spock from him. He felt Jim's subconscious attempting to keep Spock from drowning with him; not wanting him to experience the painful break that he felt was imminently approaching.

Spock fought him, struggled to hold onto him, but Jim's mind was stubborn. With no concentration on his shields, his emotions bubbled within him. A fear washed over him, desperation, a feeling to keep the grasp on Jim's mind as tightly as he could. The pain eased from Spock's skull, being pulled back, feeling a darkness forming over the connection.

"_Jim, hang on!"_

Darkness began to settle comfortably onto the connection. Spock's heart quickened, he had to know what was happening, had to protect him.

Panic struck him as he cried out for his love, _"Jim!"_

The bright connection faded, and he was left with a silent emptiness inside his mind, a ringing in his ears. He wasted no time checking for life signs along the darkened connection, almost sighing in relief as he still felt Kirk's faint presence lingering there.

_Alive, _Spock thought quickly to reassure himself, to calm the knots that were twisting in his stomach. He felt a lump form in his throat, fighting back the urge to cry, to let loose his emotions as his own conscious whispered the dreadful words in his mind, _but dying._

* * *

Spock meditated, trying to isolate his unsteady emotions, fighting for control. Although he tried hard to empty away the memory of Jim's pain, it seemed to squeeze its way back through the small cracks of his conscious. Flashes of Jim's face entered his mind, he could see the torture on his face, could hear him cry out for help, screaming for him.

His eyes flew open as the door before him was roughly tugged open. Even with the raging emotions that stirred inside him, he managed to force his face to deaden. Gracefully pulling himself from the floor, he watched as a large humanoid entered, phaser in his hand. Pale purple eyes trained on him, an angered expression plastered upon his face as a natural tactic of intimidation. Spock's eyebrow arched, he had never come across such a species. The creature resembled a mythological creature in human storybooks known as "giants" with only a few minor differences to their appearance.

He could almost imagine Jim turning to him with that serious but playful demeanor, his lips curving slightly at the Vulcan,_ "Guess we shouldn't have sold the cow for the magic beans after all Mr. Spock." _A pain pierced through his body from that thought.

"You, come with me now." The deep voice rumbled.

There was no logical reason to resist since he knew he was unarmed, Spock walked slowly from the room.

"Forward."

Spock didn't object. He walked down the dimly lit corridor. It seemed there was only one room in the hallway which was absent of any windows as well. As they rounded a corner, a faint sound came to Spock's ears. Ahead down the long stretch of the hall was another large humanoid lingering in a doorway and was concentrating heavily on the interior of the room, blocking the view from him. He could hear the painful, strained screams as they echoed down the hall. His stomach clenched tightly, it was Jim.

"In here." The voice barked behind him as his arm was grasped suddenly. He was shoved violently into a large room, a single light in the center. Spock managed to keep his balance as the giant closed the door behind him, cutting Jim's screams off from him.

Spock clasped his hands at his back, balling them into tight fists, controlling the anger. "Why have you brought us here and what is your purpose of holding us captive?"

The humanoid looked blankly at the Vulcan, "To sustain superior life such as my race."

Spock's eyebrow arched again.

"And how would you define your race to be superior?"

"Only an inferior race such as yours would find the need to ask such a question." His booming voice echoed among the walls. He stood stiff, unwavering.

"I'm afraid I do not possess the appropriate amount of data on your species to determine the logic of that statement." Spock continued, "Although, can I assume that you may possess such knowledge to make such rash judgments of mine?"

"That is correct, Vulcan."

"Then your actions are illogical by holding us prisoner, why are you hesitating to kill what you find so inferior?"

"It is not logical to rid us of someone of value, Spock." A voice echoed from behind him and he turned in search of the presence he had somehow missed hiding within the shadows. The man emerged slowly, a grin plastered to his face. "I admit to be rather disappointed in your lack of foresight, is there a reason behind it?" Khan asked, raising his eyebrows in mild amusement.

Spock stood motionless, staring at him. A small amount of confusion slipped across his face and Khan began to laugh.

"Come, Spock, surely you cannot be that abashed at my presence."

"On the contrary, I find your presence to be fascinating. The odds of surviving such an explosion at the range of impact were only .4675 percent. To put it bluntly, you should not be standing here alive." Spock spoke mildly.

"And yet, here I am." Khan spread his arms wide.

"Indeed."

Khan took a few long strides toward him but stopped at a comfortable distance. He reached out and grasped Spock's upper arms, shaking him slightly.

"I have always admired Vulcans. Their use of logic and intellect is quite superior to many species in the galaxy. I have no intention of wasting such a mind as yours."

"Then what are your intentions?" Something hot and prickly slid up Spock's neck, the anger seeped for a moment in his eyes. "Your background suggests your purpose of my wellbeing would only serve to make a certain kind of beneficial arrangement, and perceiving previous experiences, I do not wish to indulge your desires." An icy tone fell over Spock's words.

Khan released Spock slowly.

"Very perceptive of you, Spock, although I'm not in the least surprised." An amused glimmer radiated from his eyes. "But I'm sure I can persuade you in some form. The Vulcan half may not be so easily convinced, but the human is half is flawed, it has a weakness."

The giant approached as if that was his cue. His skin began shifting as large claws extended from his hand. Spock stared blankly at him, no fear of the impending pain dwelling within him.

"Physical violence will be proven useless, Vulcans do not fear death."

"We shall see, Spock. If not you, I have two others in my possession that would be extremely susceptible. If you would agree to my terms, they will not be harmed. You are all I need at the moment."

That made Spock pause, an eyebrow arching.

"What is it that you require of me?"

Khan's face brightened in triumph, "I require your mind."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"_I require your mind."_

Spock stared at Khan, his mind whirred with questions. What did Khan want with his mind, in what way? He understood Khan needed him as a pawn in his plan, so he knew he needed him alive. If he could curve Khan's discussion correctly, he could figure out his future actions, could possibly stop him.

"What have you done with the Captain?" His voice was low, threatening.

"Oh, right." Khan chuckled, "I nearly forgot about Kirk." Spock knew that was a lie. Khan brushed a piece of his hair back, plastering a fake confused look onto his face. "I'm not quite sure what you are referring to. I have done nothing to him."

"We are both fully aware you're responsible for his current state, there is no need to insult my intelligence, Khan." A low growl of anger emanated from him. He didn't have the patience to play Khan's game the way Jim could especially with the knowledge that Jim was in great pain. It took all of his control not to reach for the man in front of him and rip his throat out, he feared if he attempted that the humanoid's would end Jim's and the doctor's lives.

"Oh Spock, I should have known you were aware of your bond-mate's condition."

Spock's eyes widened with shock and Khan's smile broadened.

"What's wrong, Spock? Was that a personal matter? My apologies." Amusement coated Khan's words. "Vulcan's are such private beings and to for me to have such knowledge is unsettling to you." His hand lashed out quickly, grabbing Spock's throat tightly, but not tight enough to choke. Khan closed the distance until their faces were inches apart. "If you are aware of his condition, then you should know that I can easily finish him."

"What is the reason for your hesitation?" Spock didn't try to pull away, keeping his hands clasped firmly behind his back.

"To suede you, of course, if you wish him to live then you must comply with my terms." He shoved the Vulcan and Spock stumbled a few steps back.

"In which terms do you refer?"

"You are to meld with your Captain, Spock. You are to place a suggestion in his mind to obey my every command."

"I refuse." He said flatly.

"You may want to rethink that." From his coat pocket, Khan pulled out a small device.

Spock furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"This," Khan held it up for Spock to see, "is Kirk's life. We have placed a small device inside his skull, it has attached to his brain, sending impulsive shocks to his organs, causing continuous pain. It has also stopped certain functions from working such as antibodies to keep viruses out of his system. With a single press of this button," Khan's thumb rubbed gingerly over the round blue nodule, "I can shut down his entire body."

"Such technology is not possible."

"Care to test that theory, Mr. Spock?" Khan's face became stoic, his eyes fixed on the Vulcan.

Spock stayed silent.

"Very well, I will demonstrate." His thumb pressed down onto the button.

Spock felt a tug at the connection and before he could allow it to ease into his mind, he felt it. The bond struggled, strained. He could feel a shooting pain rushing through every cell of his body, burning him. He could feel Jim dying, each organ and cell shutting off at an intense rate, could feel his soul slipping from his body. Panic, fear, and anger burst through Spock's barriers and enveloped his mind, jumbling his thoughts. He couldn't see, couldn't hear anything but the cracking of the bond. He let out a primeval scream, lunging at Khan.

Spock's fist flew to impact Khan's face but Khan caught his fist with his hand, Khan's other hand balled into a fist as he slammed it into Spock's cheek, making him fly a few feet backwards onto the ground. Another raged filled scream ripped from Spock's lips as he stumbled back onto his feet. The humanoid stepped between them and as Spock rushed him, the humanoid slashed at his torso, chunks of the uniform fell away and bright green blood began to soak the remaining fabric, the Vulcan fell onto the floor again.

The humanoid took no time grabbing hold of Spock's arm and yanking it backward, its leg crushing Spock's spine, pinning him down. Spock's nails dug into the floor, bits of metal breaking away as he attempted to lift the heavy body off of him. The giant gripped a handful of the Vulcan's hair, lifting up his head briefly before slamming his face hard into the floor, the metal dented under the pressure. It continued to slam his face continuously until Spock's wriggling body stilled.

He heard Jim's thoughts panicked in his head, _"Spock, I can't breathe."_

He felt Jim's desperation as he searched for him, could feel that Jim wished for death to take him, to free him of the misery. Spock reached out through the link, wrapping calm thoughts around him, easing the pain from him.

"_Jim."_ He whispered, wanting to show he was here. He took Jim's pain into his body fully, blocking it from his mate as he felt Jim's life force depleting further. Then he felt something tug at Jim's end, Jim's mind slipping from his for moment.

"_Spock!"_ Terror filled his mind as Jim called out for him again, _"Spock!"_

Spock struggled to hold on as Jim's consciousness slipped away. He ached to keep Jim with him, but the link was dimming again.

"_Jim!"_ He cried out, but it echoed in the darkness.

He panted heavily and saw out of broken vision as Khan bent down to look at him.

"Your doctor is already attending to him, Mr. Spock."

Spock believed him, he could feel the strain on the bond lessening, could feel Jim's dead heart spring back to life. The rage inside his mind began to recede. A laugh echoed in the room.

"I believe now you understand my threat is secure. I will leave you to your decision, think it over carefully." He glanced up to the humanoid who still pinned Spock with ease, "Keep our guest entertained until further notice."

Spock listened until Khan's footsteps exited the room, the door slamming shut behind him.

* * *

Spock stood outside of a door, the humanoid that had spent the last several hours battering him stood behind him with a phaser at his back. The wounds were brutal but were not enough to completely cripple him, his body would heal. They refused to give him water or any kind of nutrients to help replenish his body from the beating, but he was still strong enough that he could still function normally. He didn't understand why they were standing in front of a new door, but something whispered through his bond that Jim was in it.

"Open the door." The booming voice demanded.

Spock didn't hesitate, reaching out for the handle and pushing the door open. The first thing he saw was the backside of a form slumped in a chair. His heart quickened as he quickly realized it was Jim. The humanoid shoved the phaser into Spock's back indicating for him to move and he limped quickly over to the pair. As he rounded the chair, he felt his stomach turn. Jim looked ghostly white, his eyes were bloodshot and half open, dark veins were snaking their way through the pale skin on the left side of his face. His lip was split and bleeding, sweat dripped down his temple, his breaths came out ragged, and his body trembled.

"Spock." Kirk breathed. It sounded so weak. Jim tried to lift his head up but lacked the strength and just stared at him with his eyes.

A question floated over the link in their minds. He could feel the weight of Jim's question lingering in his conscious. A sad expression crossed of his face and Spock felt a pain run through him. He understood he was dying and Spock felt a heaviness press down on him. He couldn't bear the sight of his T'hy'la, but couldn't bring himself to look away.

"One hears many things, Kirk." Spock watched as Khan rose from his chair, closing the distance between them again. Rage began to fill the void in his mind again at the thought of him hurting Jim. If there was a moment to strike him down, he would surely take it before anything detrimental could happen.

Khan's hand grasped on his chin firmly and Spock didn't flinch away. He glared at Khan, trying to keep his rage from surfacing.

"It is not difficult to obtain certain," He trailed off for a moment then turned his attention to Jim. His hands clenched, ready to strike Khan if he attempted to harm Jim again. "Information." Khan finished before there was a blur of motion and a sting rang out in his cheek.

He could feel his body protest against the blows as Khan assaulted him. The previous wounds sent waves of pain through his body as he collapsed to his knees. Khan kicked him furiously and he could feel his ribs break, liquids rushed inside him, nausea crept up the back of his throat. He clenched his eyes shut, biting back the pain. He wanted Khan to kill him; he needed him to kill him. It would keep him from giving into Khan's desires, to keep Jim safe.

"Stop!" Jim's voice rang out.

Khan halted and Spock fell to all fours. He wheezed as he tried to suck in air, hacking as the pain from his ribs protested each breath.

"Please." He heard the pleading in Jim's voice.

Spock glanced over to him; the fear and pain were plastered on Jim's face. He wanted to tell him not to interfere, to let Khan continue, but he couldn't find the strength. He couldn't speak to Jim through the bond, he was too drained.

"Spock." Khan spoke coldly, "Are you ready to comply?"

Confusion swept over Jim's face. He realized Jim had no knowledge of the condition he was in or what Khan was planning. He gave Jim a pained look.

"I refuse." He said firmly.

"May I remind you, Vulcan, that I hold Kirk's life in my hands?" Spock felt his body jerk at the memory of the device. Khan bent down to Spock's level, whispering in his ear. "Or do you wish to feel your very existence ripped away as you feel your bond-mate die? From what I understand of it, it is the most painful soul crushing feeling any Vulcan could ever experience. Most go mad."

He was right, Spock remembered his loss of control when Khan and "demonstrated" his resolve. The fear of the threat crept through his body and he quickly looked away from Jim's pleading eyes.

"No."

Khan rose to his feet quickly, anger pulsating from his body.

"You will obey me eventually."

Panic fluttered through him, how much could he withstand? Khan was sure to use Jim and the doctor against him now. Their lives were literally in his hands. Could he save them?

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the wait, thank you for reading! Please review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The humanoid approached Kirk and untied him briskly before yanking him to his feet. He felt so weak that he leaned most of his weight into the giant. The world seemed to be spinning as he looked down to Spock who still stayed on all fours and was avoiding eye contact. Kirk's legs buckled and his body slouched, the humanoid caught him with a bone breaking grip, keeping him steady.

"Take him back to his room and bring the Doctor." Khan said coldly to the humanoid then gave a dark look at his old adversary.

"What do you want with Bones?" Kirk growled angrily, he felt a wave of nausea creeping up the back of his throat, his breaths were ragged; face tinting red from the fever.

"That is none of your concern, Kirk."

"The hell it is!" Kirk felt a sudden surge of adrenaline. He needed to protect Bones, needed to protect Spock. He knew he had to focus Khan's attention on him. A thought came to him, "Your crew died along with your wife because of me, and I don't feel any remorse for it. I'd do it again a thousand times over!" He spat and before he could continue the taunts, Khan had gripped the collar of his uniform, tugging him roughly from the humanoid, a fist colliding with his cheek that sent him reeling to the ground.

Spock was suddenly standing, grimacing slightly in pain. He tried to approach Kirk but Khan quickly pulled out a small device, waving it tauntingly at the Vulcan which caused him to come to an abrupt halt.

"Not so fast, Mr. Spock." Khan handed the device to the humanoid who took it without hesitation. "Press the button if the Vulcan interferes."

Kirk laid on the floor panting, his vision swimming in different colors and shapes. His cheek throbbing from the punch and gasped in pain as the same sharp pain erupted in his head, ripping its way down his skull. He rolled onto his stomach, seeing tidbits of Spock in his vision and reached helplessly for him. Suddenly a boot smashed down onto the outreached hand, he could feel the bones break with a sickening snap. A piercing scream filled the room and it took a moment for Kirk to realize it was his.

He retracted his hand quickly, cradling it to him, whimpering slightly. A hand dug into his hair, hauling him up onto his knees before a boot struck him hard in the stomach, the breath left him momentarily before bending over, retching bloody bile onto the floor. His body shook violently, falling onto his hands as he gulped down air. Khan dealt another swift kick to Kirk's chest that caused him to flip over onto his back, the breath stolen from in again, hacking and wheezing in air.

Kirk felt Khan's body over him, two strong hands wrapped around his neck cutting off his feeble attempts to breathe. The world was moving in different directions, his legs kicked furiously, his uninjured hand grasping one of Khan's wrists attempting to pull it away. The pain in his skull intensified, and a burning erupted in his chest.

"Khan." Spock's voice cut the air. "Release him and I will comply."

The pressure of Khan's hands suddenly lifted away from Kirk's throat and a painful scream of air echoed as he inhaled.

"Oh Mr. Spock, I knew you would come to your senses." Khan glanced down at Kirk, initiating one last punch to his face before rising from on top of him. He heard Khan's footsteps as he walked back over to Spock. "Go to him now. And don't think about trying any tricks, Mr. Spock, our muscular friend possesses the ability to check your work."

Kirk half listened, understanding that something was transpiring but couldn't comprehend it. He was in agony, his body was on fire, his head felt like it was cracking in two, and each breath was like a knife to the chest. He felt so disoriented, even as he closed his eyes he felt his body spinning.

He felt a hot presence next to him, fingertips pressing lightly onto his face. Kirk weakly pressed his thought through the bond.

_Spock, what are you—_

_Forgive me, T'hy'la. I will not let you die._

Before Kirk could question the cryptic message, there was a flash of light then the world went dark.

* * *

In the darkness he could feel the touch of cool hands on his face. He could feel himself flooding back into a solid body before blinking blearily up into a bright room. A familiar blipping brought him to his senses. It reminded him of the heart monitor he would always be hooked to whenever he was injured or sick on the _Enterprise._

_I'm in Sickbay!_ He thought suddenly and shot up from the bed before doubling in pain, cursing under his breath.

"Hey! Take it easy, I just administered your medicine." Two hands gripped his upper arms and pushed him gently but firmly back to the bed.

He groaned in response.

"What happened, Bones? How did we get back onboard? You can't tell me Khan let us—"

"Khan?" McCoy's surprised interjection made Kirk's body jerk slightly in alarm. "What the devil are you going on about, Jim?"

Kirk glanced up to the doctor. His cerulean eyes looked down at him in confusion.

"Bones, don't you remember being held captive, those giant humanoids with purple eyes, and having to use medical equipment from the twenty-first century?"

McCoy blinked at him, his eyebrows raised slightly.

"Jim, what in blue blazes are you talking about, we were never held captive. And purple eyed giants? I think you were just having a nightmare. Khan's dead, remember?" Concern coated his words.

Kirk looked away from him feeling uneasy. It couldn't have just been a dream, it had felt too real.

"What happened, why am I in Sickbay?"

"You have a concussion, Jim. We beamed down to the planet to help the residents and you wandered off like you usually do." Bones grunted in frustration, "You fell down a damn mountain, you're lucky that Spock found you in time!"

"Spock? Where is he?" He attempted to sit up again but was forcefully shoved back down.

"He's on the bridge where he _should_ be, damn Vulcan wouldn't stop lurking around here, wanting to wait for you to regain consciousness. Can't say I blame him, you scared the wits out of us!"

Kirk looked up to his friend in confusion. McCoy was slightly pale, eyes a little sunken in. Could it be that that was what had happened? Could it all have been just a bad dream? He remembered the pain as Khan crushed his hand, could hear the cold voice ringing in his hear, and understanding the fact that he was dying.

"Whoa, Jim, calm down! Your heart rate just spiked, take some deep breaths!"

But Jim couldn't calm down. Something screamed in the back of his mind that this was wrong. He grimaced as McCoy jabbed him with a hypo. He felt his muscles relax suddenly and watched as McCoy's face faded away until darkness rushed into his vision, pulling him into unconsciousness.

* * *

"_Kirk."_ The cold voice cooed. Chills ran up his spine at the sound. _"Kirk, it's time to wake up."_

"_No I won't!" _He cried out, but didn't understand what he was objecting too. He felt like he was resisting against something else other than waking.

"_Do not fight me. You cannot escape me. You are obeying me regardless of what your conscious mind says. Just give in to it, it will be less painful." _He could feel the triumph radiating in his voice.

"_No!" _

Kirk's body suddenly erupted in crippling pain. He tried to fight against it but found it futile.

"_Wake up!"_ The voice demanded.

"No!" Kirk screamed, jolting back to consciousness. He was sitting in his chair on the bridge; the entire crew had jumped at his sudden outburst. He glanced around in confusion; he couldn't recall any memory of leaving Sickbay.

"Captain, are you well?" Spock asked striding over to him and placing a hand on his shoulder.

Kirk shot out of the chair, his body still aching slightly, he gripped Spock's arms.

"Spock? What happened? How did I get here?" He was nearly shouting at him and Spock's eyes widened slightly in surprise.

"Captain, you were released from Sickbay this morning. You have been on the bridge for four hours, thirty minutes, and twenty-four seconds. Do you not recall this?" He asked, an eyebrow arching slightly. "Do I need to call for the Doctor?"

"No!" Jim shouted, clearing his throat then slipped his hands away from Spock's arms. His voice softened as he continued, "No, that won't be necessary."

"Captain, you are pale and seem unwell, should I accompany you back to your quarters?" There was a small pleading in his voice which took Kirk aback slightly.

_You are not to leave with him._ The cold voice echoed softly in his mind.

"Spock, I can't." His voice strained and he felt confused as to why he had rejected the offer.

_Dismiss him! _The voice hissed.

Kirk shook his head roughly mumbling loudly, "No."

_Dismiss him now!_

"Mr. Spock, I am relieving you of your duties for the rest of the day." The words flew out of his mouth, he couldn't control them.

"Based on what grounds, Captain?" He heard it then in Spock's voice, fear. He tried to reach out through their bond but found it was blocked.

"Based on the fact that your presence is not needed at the moment and I am your Captain. Return to your quarters, Mr. Spock, that's an order." Kirk felt panic well up inside him, he didn't think these words, they were spouting out from his lips without his consent. He looked up to Spock, wide eyed and pleading.

Something slid across Spock's eyes for a moment before fading quickly. He nodded slowly in understanding. Before he turned to leave, his hand shot out and squeezed Kirk's arm gently. His eyes connecting with Kirk's with such force, Kirk gasped slightly.

"_Dva-tor_." He whispered before releasing his wrist and heading into the turbo lift.

Kirk was rooted to the spot. He wanted to chase after him, but his body protested his thoughts.

_Good, Kirk. Now we can begin._

* * *

**A/N: The word **_**"Dva-tor" **_**means "Believe". **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: This story is suspenseful, and sometimes dark, but I just want all my reader's to know that I am a happy ending kind of writer. So please bear with me through all the turmoil because in the end it'll make it that much better! Also, if you haven't noticed, my pattern is two chapters in each POV. Thanks for reading, and please review!**

* * *

**Chapter 6**

He stood frozen on the bridge, his breaths were ragged and labored, a cold sweat had broken out in his body. He felt cold, but the heat in his face told him differently. All eyes of the bridge were on him and he had no idea what had transpired in the time he was in Sickbay until now. Why didn't Bones remember what had happened? If it had been a dream, why was Spock so afraid? Why did he hear a voice in the back of his head and why couldn't he control his actions? Nothing made sense.

"Captain, is everything all right?" Uhura's voice was soft, worried.

"I'm not sure." He answered honestly, "Could you relay any previous orders given by myself in the last four hours?"

"Sir?" She asked frowning at him. "Don't you remember?"

He wracked his brain but couldn't remember. Everything was blank. He tried to think harder, trying to remember anything and was met with a sharp pain on the left side of his skull. His hand reached up to apply pressure to it when he noticed his hand was wrapped in a hard cast. How had he not noticed that until now? When he had grabbed Spock earlier, his hand felt normal. Now it throbbed painfully.

"Sir?" Uhura repeated again.

He shook his head.

"Uhura. My previous orders, please?" He could hear the wavering in his voice and knew the rest of the bridge crew could hear it too. Their eyes darted amongst themselves nervously.

"Sir, you ordered us to lay in a course for the neutral zone and to disobey any direct order given by your First Officer." Sulu chimed in, he seemed unsettled.

"I did?" Kirk asked more at himself than the crew and watched as they again exchanged nervous glances.

_That's enough chit-chat Captain._

"Sir, you ordered me not to make any contact with Starfleet. They've been attempting to reach us, should I inform them about our change of course?" Uhura asked tentatively.

_Do not answer._

Kirk's mouth opened to speak but only a strangled sound was heard.

_You have no need for a Communication Officer, Captain._

"Captain?" She stood abruptly, horrified as Kirk suddenly rushed her, grabbing hold of her throat with his uninjured hand and slammed her into the wall.

"Keptain!" Chekov's hands were suddenly gripping his arm, trying to pull him off of her. He wanted Chekov to break her free, begged in his mind for him to, but his hand simultaneously tightened, watched in terror as her eyes bugged out, her hands clawing at his in desperation.

"Have you gone mad?" Sulu shouted as his arm snaked around Kirk's neck, attempting to pry him off at his weak point. Kirk's body had become lead, hardly budging as Sulu and Chekov desperately tried to fight him off, Uhura's body beginning to go limp.

_Kill her._

"Somebody call Commander Spock and Doctor McCoy!" He heard Sulu scream to the bridge behind them, he no longer cared about going against a direct order.

"Keptain, stop, yew are killing her!"

Tears stung at Kirk's eyes as he watched her eyes roll to the back of her head, her lips turning blue, arms flopping down to her sides. The rapid pulse that thrummed against his hand began to fade. He screamed in his head for his hand to release her, anger flowing through him as his body disobeyed.

_I wish you pain, Kirk._ The chilling words filled his head loudly, drowning out all remaining sound.

It felt like an eternity before strong arms wrapped from behind him and jerked him away from her. She crumpled to the floor, unmoving. He was flung backwards and landed onto the floor, ringing flooding his hearing from the impact. Hands were gripping his wrists, a blurred face bending over him, his mouth was moving but Kirk couldn't hear him.

_He can't help you._

Hot tears streaked down Kirk's face, he couldn't speak. Another face appeared over him and was shouting at him, but Kirk couldn't make out the words. Everything was silent with the exception of the ringing in his ears.

"H-help!" He strained to speak, the words sounded muffled as they left his lips.

A sharp pain was felt in his neck, the world broke apart again in colors and shapes before his dreaded enemy of darkness took him under.

* * *

_Kirk stood on a lake, his feet were bare and the water was smooth and cool beneath them. He was surrounded by darkness. He searched the shadows frantically, he felt so alone. _

"_You are not alone, Jim." _

_Kirk whirled around; a familiar Vulcan stood there, dark eyes bearing down on him, wearing a set of odd shaped robes, his shoulders squared. He felt a sense of urgency, he needed to reach him. Kirk's foot lifted to take a step toward him but the shiny surface gave way and he fell into the icy water. It hit him like a thousand knives, inhaling the liquid into his lungs. A current pulled him deeper down into the depths, the reflective ground above fading away. _

_Kirk glanced down to see a pale hand wrapped tightly around his ankle. It wasn't a current that was forcing him under. A mischievous smile crept across Khan's face as he reached his other hand up to grab ahold of the fabric at Kirk's waist. Kirk struggled, thrashing his body, but it caused him to intake more liquids, his vision vertigo. He reached desperately for the surface with little hope that he would be pulled back. _

_To his surprise, a warm hand clasped around his and started to pull him upwards. Khan's hand at his waist fell way, but the hand at his ankle clasped tighter. Kirk didn't pay him any mind; the surface was so close now, so close to freedom. But before he could breach the surface, the hand of his savior slipped away from his grasp, a giant piece of glass sliding in-between, darkening the light until nothing remained but blackness, adrift. _

_A chilling laugh bounced around him, embraced him. Something he could not explain, something inside him snapped. _

Kirk awoke gasping for air. He couldn't breathe, he was choking on liquid, he was sure of it. Two separate pairs of hands grabbed his body.

"Jim! Breathe! Snap out of it!"

But he couldn't. He wanted to shout at him, make him understand that he was drowning, his eyes rolling to the back of his head.

"He appears to be suffering from an acute hallucination."

"Do something!" McCoy snarled.

Soft lips touched his, warm air traveled through his mouth into his lungs. The pressure he felt began to ease, the liquid he thought he was choking on seemed to dissolve as more warm air was pushed through his body. He relaxed, his eyes closed, the lips were familiar. He whimpered slightly as they pulled away, he didn't want them to leave.

He tried to reach for him, but his hand was stopped by a strap. His eyes shot open to see the two of them bending over him, their eyes shadowed with an emotion Kirk couldn't quite place.

"Bones? Spock?" His voice cracked slightly.

Bones' eyebrows creased with anger. Darkness flickered quickly in his eyes.

"You're awake, good."

Kirk winced at his hostile tone.

"Bones, what's going—"

"You almost murdered her, Jim!" Bones spat angrily at him. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Kirk gaped at him, trying to find the right words but failing. He glanced quickly to Spock who looked down on him in a cold gaze.

"It wasn't me." Kirk whispered.

_That's cute Kirk. They won't believe you._

"You've got to be kidding me." McCoy's fist hit the side of the bed, inches away from Kirk. "I'm a doctor not a blind man! I watched you strangle her with your own hand!"

"I-It was Khan!" He stuttered, "I swear, I would never—"

"Khan is _dead_,Jim!" He ripped his eyes away from Kirk and looked up at the Vulcan. "_You _wanted my medical opinion? Your _lover-boy_ has lost it! First by his outrageous orders and now he's rambling on about someone who's long since been deceased! He needs to be in the brig before he tries to hurt somebody else on this ship! We'll keep him in there under surveillance until he can be seen by a psychiatrist back at headquarters."

A pang rang out in Kirk's chest. How could Bones say that? He knew Kirk would never intentionally harm any of his crew, they were his family.

"I will have to agree with you, Doctor. His condition has become too unstable."

The pang became a sharp burn, coursing its way through Kirk's veins. Tears built up behind his eyes, how could they betray him?

_They never cared for you, Captain. They will take the Enterprise from you, they will leave you. They hate you._

McCoy shot him an angry glare before pivoting on his heel and marching out of the room. Spock remained, his sight glued on Kirk.

"S-Spock, please!" A hot tear dripped quickly from the corner of his eye.

Spock's eyes darted away from Kirk for a moment then leaned his head down near Kirk's ear, his fingers brushing Kirk's hand gingerly.

"_Dva-tor, t'nash-veh T'hy'la. Than fam ptha."_

Jim felt his warm breath against his face, a brush of his lips as he laid a small kiss upon his cheek. Before Kirk could surmise Spock's actions, Spock straightened himself and fluently strode through the room and out of the doors.

A small sense of calm surrounded Kirk. Spock wouldn't leave him. There was something Kirk didn't know but Spock did. He had to trust him blindly, something he wasn't used to. He longed for their bond to be reconnected, but it was still blocked by an unknown source. He desperately wanted to know what those words meant.

_He can't save you. You are mine now. _

* * *

**A/N: "Dva-tor" – Believe**

"**t'nash'veh T'hy'la" – my T'hy'la**

"**Than fam ptha" – Do not fear**

**Also, writing Chekov's dialogue is kind of hard. Hopefully it turned out okay.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Spock stood at the foot of the biobed watching Jim sleep. The image of Jim's piercing scream and body writhing in agony filled his memory. He glanced down at the casted broken hand, the fingers were severely swollen, a shade of an angry dark purple. An enormous bruise covered the majority of his cheek, he was pale and his skin was sunken in slightly with dark rings around his eyes. The dark veins had faded, but Spock knew his external injuries were not the immediate problem.

Spock's eyes darkened as a smile crept across Jim's face.

"What's wrong, Mr. Spock?" Jim's voice cooed, his honey eyes opening slowly to look at the Vulcan. "Does it not please you to know he still lives?"

Spock's eyes narrowed down at him and Jim laughed, but it wasn't_ his_ laugh.

"Oh, don't look at me that way. You should be proud; you've helped begin a revolution. Imagine the universe without illogical beings such as 'humans', where Vulcans would be viewed as equals instead of minority creatures."

"Vulcans are highly recognized by the Federation—"

"Don't be a fool, Mr. Spock. Are you not treated differently? Are you not approached with caution, or bared witness to any derogatory remarks concerning your race?"

Spock neatly folded his hands behind his back, clenching his fists tightly. Anger pulsed through his body, staring down at the man he cherished, an imposter peeking out from amber eyes.

"You will not succeed." Spock's voice growled.

"Are you threatening me?"

Spock felt his stomach tighten as Khan issued the familiar "Jim" smile.

"You can't stop me, Mr. Spock. I hold your bond-mate captive. His mind is weakening now, I have gained more control."

"I believe you are underestimating his strength, Khan."

"Am I? Keep in mind the consequences if you try to interfere." Jim's smile widened and it reached up to his eyes.

Before Spock could retort, Jim's eyes fluttered shut at the presence of McCoy's entrance.

"Dammit, you're still here? I thought I gave you a direct order to rest?"

Spock didn't acknowledge him, staring intently at Jim. He could hardly bring himself to the look at the doctor, he felt ashamed that he had failed them both.

"Hey? You all right, Spock?" His voice softened as he placed his hand gently on Spock's arm, concern weighing heavily in his cerulean orbs.

"I am well, Doctor. I do not require rest at present and I am needed here."

McCoy let out a frustrated huff.

"Listen, I know you want to stay near Jim but you were injured too. Now get out of my Sickbay before I give you a hypo and drag you out myself." There was no malice in his tone but it was firm.

Spock turned to face him and felt a twinge at the sight of him. McCoy was still pale and his body trembled as it attempted to heal from the abuse it had endured. The doctor didn't understand that he needed to rest and Spock couldn't tell him to with understanding that the doctor would question the reason as to why.

"I insist I stay until he is conscious, Doctor." He reached out and gently gripped the doctor's arm and McCoy's eyes widened in alarm. It was rare that the Vulcan would initiate physical contact with the doctor, but he hoped this gesture would convey the seriousness of the situation.

"Spock, what aren't you telling me?" McCoy whispered, eyeing him suspiciously.

Spock jerked his hand back nearly forgetting the doctor had a heightened sense of observation. He couldn't risk the doctor's life any further. He glanced back to Jim, trying desperately to reach him through the bond but it was blocked. Ripping his sight from him, he brushed passed the doctor without saying a word and headed directly for his quarters.

* * *

He stood on the bridge watching over the crew as they were busying themselves with Starfleet's new orders. It had been several days since they arrived back onboard and Jim still lied in Sickbay. Spock attempted to meditate on the imminent danger but found his thoughts obscured and the harder he tried to focus the more he found himself distracted.

"Course laid in for _Star-base ten_, sir."

"Thank you Mr. Sulu." Spock said flatly. "Engines set to warp factor six."

"Aye, sir."

"Belay those last orders, Mr. Sulu."

Spock whirred around at the sound of Jim's voice. He stood there at the turbo lift, arms folded behind his back, honey eyes scanning the room. A hope sprung up inside Spock, he let that feeling rush through him, fighting the urge to run to him, reminding himself to be cautious. Could Jim have recovered his control?

"Sir?" Sulu asked tentatively.

"Set course for one-eleven, mark fourteen." He demanded shifting from his position at the door down toward the chair where Spock stood rooted to the spot. The spark of hope faded away quickly as a darker emotion filled the void, eyes narrowing at him as he approached.

"That would put us inside the neutral zone, Sir!" Sulu exclaimed, "We're currently on route to _Star-base ten _as ordered by Starfleet."

"I gave you an order, Mr. Sulu. Change course." Jim approached the Vulcan until he was uncomfortably close. Spock didn't flinch away as Jim's functioning hand reached out and gripped his wrist tightly, a mischievous smile playing upon his lips.

Spock jerked his hand from Jim's grasp, his body shook in anger. From the small skin contact, he could feel Jim's mind crying out in pain. His conscious had been shoved back from the front of the mind where Khan now reigned and was being ravaged with negativity. He could feel Jim's fear and desperation.

"Aye, Sir?" Sulu hesitantly stated but set the course he was instructed.

"Captain, should I inform Starfleet of the change?" Uhura piped up, glancing nervously at the scene of Jim sizing up Spock.

Jim turned away from Spock and propped himself proudly onto the chair. The smile never wavered as he stared ahead in the vast emptiness of space, ignoring the deathly glare from the Vulcan who remained motionless beside him.

"No, you are to close all communications with Starfleet command immediately." Jim snapped quickly and Uhura looked taken aback.

"Belay that last order, Uhura, the _Captain _has misspoken." Spock quickly interjected. "I believe you have not reached optimal health as you are making illogical decisions and insist you should retire to your quarters, _Sir._" His brown eyes bore down on him, squaring his shoulders and keeping a firm stance.

Jim laughed and the room tensed. It was not full of mirth; it held a sinister ring to it. His fist hit a button on the right armrest and a small chirp echoed throughout the ship.

"This is _Captain_ Kirk. Any crew member who follows Commander Spock's orders will be promptly locked in the brig and tried for mutiny, this order is effective immediately."

All movement ceased on the bridge at the announcement, nervous eyes lay heavily upon them, curious and worried.

"Miss Uhura, close all communications and Mr. Spock," he trailed off looking amusingly to the Vulcan, "Return to your station and do not speak unless spoken to. Understood?" Jim rose from the chair and stepped closely to the Vulcan once again whispering, "They will die, Mr. Spock. I will force Kirk to watch as he kills those he cherishes most, one by one if you do not obey me."

Spock's fist shook violently. He fought the urge to reach out and kill the man before him, but quickly eradicated the thought and reminded himself it was not Khan's body, it was Jim's. He nodded before stiffly walking to the science station, feeling the weight of dozens of eyes on his back. His mind reeling, trying to formulate a plan to end this, there had to be an option he was overlooking.

He remembered Jim's words, _"I don't believe in no-win scenarios."_

* * *

_Entering Jim's unconscious mind proved to be difficult, he was met with such restraint he nearly pulled himself back out of the meld. But before retreating, a familiar figure materialized before him in the emptiness around him that forced him to linger. Jim stood alone, frantically searching for something. Spock could feel his loneliness, fear._

"_You are not alone, Jim." He called out softly and saw him whirl around to him. _

_As Jim tried to step toward him, he suddenly plummeted below the shimmering surface. Spock felt panic course through him as he realized that this image was Jim's mind, his entire being. He strained against an invisible force that was attempting to pull the Vulcan away, feeling the weight of another conscious upon him. _

_Reaching the gaping hole in the translucent floor, he focused his thoughts on his T'hy'la, willing this void to make him visible. It worked as he saw Jim thrashing, his pale hand reaching upward, saw Khan pulling him under. Without hesitation, he reached his hand into the icy liquid, grabbing ahold of his hand and began to pull him but found the weight was incredible but refused to give in. Jim was close to the surface, if Spock could break him free of the liquid barrier, he could save him. He could save him! _

_A giant flash of light appeared from nowhere and it collided with Spock, he felt an electric jolt and was thrown backwards from the hole. He could feel Jim's terror, watching helplessly as the hole sealed itself. Spock broke the meld with a painful snap. _

Jim came to consciousness gasping for air. His body wriggled as he attempted to breath. Spock and the doctor reached out to hold him down as his body seized.

"Jim! Breathe! Snap out of it!"

He couldn't answer, his lips beginning to tint blue, his eyes rolling in his head. Spock knew there was no logical physical explanation to his suffocation; he quickly deduced it had to be a result from the vision in the mind meld.

"He appears to suffering from an acute hallucination." A hint of panic underlined his mild tone.

"Do something!" The doctor barked at him, grunting as he tried to keep Jim's body pinned.

Spock knew Jim needed air and felt the most logical decision was to preform CPR quickly. Even though his mind told him Jim was not physically drowning, something in his consciousness informed him that this action was necessary. He released one hand front Jim's shoulders and pinched his nose closed, pressing his lips to his and blew air into mouth. After a moment, he felt Jim's body begin to relax below him and once he felt Jim exhale, he moved away from him.

Jim's eyes shot open, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

"Bones? Spock?" His voice cracked slightly.

The doctor released his grip on Jim, shifting his trembling body, his jaw clenched with anger.

"You're awake, good."

Spock couldn't recall a time the doctor had sounded so hostile with Jim. He arched an eyebrow at him, contemplating if he should attempt to calm him before the conversation could progress.

"Bones, what's going—"

"You almost murdered her, Jim!" Bones spat angrily at him. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Fear washed over his amber eyes as they grew wide with panic, his mouth hung open, darting his sight between the two of them. For a moment, Spock wondered if Jim had forgotten the previous events. He wanted to reach out to him, to ease his distress, but he knew he couldn't draw suspicion upon himself with the doctor present. Khan was watching.

"It wasn't me." Kirk whispered.

Spock's body jerked slightly at his comment.

"You've got to be kidding me." McCoy's fist hit the side of the bed, inches away from Kirk. "I'm a doctor not a blind man! I watched you strangle her with your own hand!"

"I-It was Khan!" He stuttered, "I swear, I would never—"

"Khan is _dead_,Jim!" He ripped his eyes away from Kirk and glared at Spock. His stare was hard, but a hint of fear swam beneath his eyes as he bristled at the Vulcan's lack of emotional display. "_You _wanted my medical opinion? Your _lover-boy_ has lost it! First by his outrageous orders and now he's rambling on about someone who's long since been deceased! He needs to be in the brig before he tries to hurt somebody else on this ship! We'll keep him in there under surveillance until he can be seen by a psychiatrist back at headquarters."

Spock contemplated his words carefully. It pained him to picture Jim being locked up in the brig but the doctor's idea was sound. He could monitor Jim easier there. Khan would not have as much free reign on the ship or its crew. But were there underlying consequences to this action?

"I will have to agree with you, Doctor. His condition has become too unstable."

A hard lump formed in his throat as he saw Kirk's pained expression, noticed as his eyes dampened. He felt the guilt of betrayal stirring inside of him, how could he do this? It was his fault Jim was in this state. Jim was suffering because of _him_. His hand clenched until he felt his fingernails digging into his skin, sharp pain shooting from his hand.

McCoy angrily glanced back to Jim before pivoting on his heel and marching from the room. Spock didn't move. He couldn't. He was lost in his thoughts, overcome by his guilt and what he could possibly do to help him.

"S-Spock, please!" A panic cry brought him back to his senses. His stomach clenched as a tear slid from the side of Jim's eye. He wanted to comfort him, to let him know that he would not abandon him. How could he do that without giving away Khan's plans, allowing Khan to cause Jim more harm? Quickly glancing up to make sure the private room in Sickbay was empty, he leaned down, his mouth hovered over his hear.

"_Dva-tor, t'nash-veh T'hy'la. Than fam ptha."_

He knew Jim wouldn't understand, but he hoped it would bring him a form of comfort and not allow Khan to know that he was contemplating a scheme to defeat him. His mouth moved from Jim's ear and he lingered by his face, laying a soft kiss upon his cheek. A fear in his mind that this could be the last time Jim's conscious could be aware. He let his fingers gently stroke Jim's hand.

_I love you, T'hy'la. I will find a way, believe._ He thought as he pulled himself away. Without another glance at his beloved, he hastily rushed from the room, leaving Jim baffled behind him.

* * *

**A/N: This chapter was hard for me to write, not sure why, just wouldn't come out right. I think I rewrote this a couple of times, I hope it turned out okay. It's not as suspenseful as the last chapter but I hope it was still worth the read. Sorry if there are any misspelling or grammar errors, I kind of hurried to finish this with a migraine (that's how much I appreciate my readers!) and really wanted to get it posted. Please remember to review because reviews make me happy and want me to update quicker!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Sorry for the wait! I get so wrapped up in my other stories sometimes, my apologies. Things are about to get heated, brace yourselves!**

* * *

**Chapter 8**

"Message from Starfleet Command, Sir."

"Relay the message Lieutenant." Spock said hesitantly to the replacement Communication Officer. Uhura still lied in Sickbay, barely clinging onto her life. Spock couldn't help but feel helpless as the crew around him whispered about Jim going mad, believing that he had kept this side of himself hidden. The angry possessive beast inside him stirred at their contemptuous remarks about his bond-mate, and nearly felt disgusted that they had little confidence in the man who had saved countless lives, including his own at the risk of losing everything he cherished.

"Starfleet orders us to return to Space-dock at once. Admiral Kirk is to be placed under arrest for violating the treaty along with Starfleet's direct orders, and attempted murder, Sir." Her voice was soft, apologetic.

He nodded solemnly. This is what he feared. Although he knew this was part of Khan's plan, he didn't have any further information. Khan had made sure to keep that to himself, grinning as he told him, "I believe the phrase is, 'that is for me to know and for you to find out', Mr. Spock."

"Understood. Mr. Sulu, set course for Earth. Engines at warp factor eight."

A pained look crossed the man's face, "Aye, sir." He turned to punch in the coordinates and gave a small sigh, "I can't believe he would do something like this." He spoke mostly at the room and not anyone in particular.

"Mr. Spock, vhy vould the Keptain vant to kill Miss Uhura?" Chekov's eyes pleaded with the Vulcan, begging him to give answers that he couldn't give.

"I have reason to believe he may not be in the correct state of mind, Mr. Chekov." He said flatly. "However, I do not believe that her death had been his intention."

"Mr. Spock, we care about the Captain as much as you, but even you can't deny that he was trying to kill her." Mr. Sulu's voice wavered; he kept his eyes locked on his station.

Spock couldn't deny that it had been Jim's body initiating the attack. He stood silently, a tension fell upon the room at his wordless response. He moved from standing near Jim's chair, not finding the desire to sit upon it in his absence, glancing at his fellow colleagues, remorseful.

"You have the _Conn._ Mr. Sulu." He said softly before turning to the lift and watched as the bridge was cut off from sight as the door hissed shut.

* * *

He found himself wandering through a deserted corridor, away from the crewmen in an isolated part of the ship. He stood outside a door but had no knowledge of what it held inside. He could not open it, remembering Khan's threat that if he were to attempt it, Jim would be killed along with the crewmen. He couldn't risk it.

After scrutinizing the door, reeling the possibilities in his head, he headed for the brig. It was the first time he had ever felt fearful of seeing Jim. He was weary if it would be Jim who would be the one staring at him with soft honey eyes, or if someone much colder had taken his place. But as illogical as it was, he still clung onto the hope that Jim would fight this. His mind held a strength that surpassed any Spock had encountered with humans and even with their bond temporarily blocked, he believe Jim could call upon Spock's strength if necessary as well. Spock learned long ago to never quite doubt Jim, even when the circumstances appeared bleak.

Spock approached the brig and found Jim slumped over, sitting on the bench inside staring at the ground. He stood there for a moment, watching him closely.

"Spock." Jim's soft voice breathed, "I was afraid you forgot about me."

"That is illogical as we are bond-mates and I have been by your side for nearly thirty years, Jim." He clasped his hands behind his back, cautiously observing his reaction.

"Really, Spock?" Jim's eyes shot towards him, anger deep within the amber irises. "Do you not remember abandoning me to attempt the _Kolinahr_?" He stood abruptly, marching toward the barrier that separated them. "It didn't faze you to forget me then, why should it be any different now?"

"Jim, I—"

"Shut up, Spock." He spat. "I think you were right when I first confessed to you, that us being together is 'highly illogical'. Clearly you do not hold the same standards about our relationship as I do."

Spock felt a knot forming in his stomach, something crept up through his body and it took him a moment to register that it was fear. What was Jim trying to say?

"Jim, I'm afraid that I do not understand—"

"I want you to leave, Spock!" Jim shouted, taking Spock by surprise. "I no longer want to be tied to you, I want out of this madness we have between us. I realize that I have wasted too much time on _something_ that could not possibly feel any pain for locking their loved one away, and doubting their mentality!"

A sharp pain ran through Spock's body as he was referred to as "something". Jim did not see him as a Vulcan or a Human. He felt anger course through his veins. He couldn't find the strength to turn away as Jim continued.

"It's clear that you have never loved me! Bones was right; you are a cold green-blooded computer, incapable of having any kind of connection with any living being! You should have never come back!"

A control snapped inside Spock, and he couldn't recall pressing the release on the door. He suddenly found himself grasping Jim's shirt, heaving him off his feet and slamming him hard into the wall. He snarled at the human inches from his face, honey eyes widening with shock.

"How _dare _you." His voice was a low growl.

"You've proven my point." Jim whispered angrily, "I should've let you die."

His anger morphed into rage as his vision hazed, his fist clenched tightly and he felt a rush of joy as it connected with Jim's jaw, hearing the Human's body landing onto the ground with a thud. Before Jim could regain his footing, Spock rushed him, his hand wrapping around his fragile neck as he landed on top of him. He could feel the thrumming of his pulse spring into a rapid palpitation against his hand, hearing the desperate choking sounds as Jim attempted to inhale. Spock wanted him to die, wanted to squeeze the life out of the human he had dedicated so much of himself to.

Jim's eyes began to roll back in his head, the hand that Spock hadn't noticed that was attempting to pry his hand off slowly lost its grip, falling away and hitting the floor.

"Spo—" Jim's plea was cut off as Spock's grip tightened. Tears welled up in Jim's eyes, flowing steadily down his reddening face.

Spock's rage receded as he felt a painful spark in his skull. He released Jim and watched as the man hacked violently, air whistling back into his lungs. He watched with cold eyes until Jim was able to speak again.

"Spock!" The voice was strained.

He rose slowly from on top of him, turning his back to him and strode toward the doorway before stopping.

"I have _always _loved you." He whispered before leaving, pressing the button to seal Jim inside, and ignoring the confusing desperate pleas from the bond-mate he thought he knew.

* * *

He avoided the brig for days, even when the Doctor had sought him out about the new bruises around Jim's neck and wanted him to guard Jim, he refused. He would get the _Enterprise _to Space-dock; he would testify in court and try to figure out what Khan was planning. After that, he would retire.

Standing by the captain's chair, he watched as the ship approached Earth. He felt a sense of impending doom that he couldn't brush off, something felt wrong.

"One-quarter impulse power, Mr. Sulu." His voice was deep, hollow.

The ship entered the dock and he turned on his heels, heading for the brig. As acting captain, he had to be present for the prisoner transfer. Four security guards followed next to him, keeping their heads straight, silent. Halfway to the brig, the doctor caught up with him, fear and anger coated in his eyes.

"Spock! What are we going to do? Jim should be evaluated before his trial!"

"That notion is not my responsibility, Doctor." He snapped and McCoy was taken aback slightly.

"What are you talking about, Spock? Are you just going to throw him to the wolves? He could be hauled away to prison for the rest of his life, or worse!" McCoy barked at him, struggling to keep up with the Vulcan's long strides.

Spock stayed silent as they reached the brig, Jim sprung to his feet at their approach.

"Spock! I—"

"Doctor, administrate a hypo if the prisoner does not cooperate." He quickly interjected with a dark tone.

McCoy's eyebrows rose in surprise but nodded mutely.

Spock released the doors and the security team entered the brig, two of them grasping Jim's arms and guided him out. Jim glanced up to him with wide eyes, something deep within them that cried out to Spock, but Spock diverted his gaze away from him, walking swiftly in front of them as they made their way to the transporter room and didn't acknowledge him as they sauntered onto the platform.

"Mr. Scott, energize." He said before the Scottish crewman could say a word.

"Aye, sir." He said tentatively, giving Jim a saddened look.

They rematerialized to a room with an awaiting security team and Spock watched as Jim struggled against the men who were holding him.

"Spock, please!" He cried out and McCoy quickly glanced from Jim to Spock, eyes wide with horror.

Spock stood silently, arms folded at his back, shoulders squared as he stared blankly ahead and watched as Jim was hauled away, the doors slamming shut behind them.

* * *

**A/N: don't kill me for this, things will get better!  
**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

_You are a failure._

Kirk paced feverishly in the cell, he wasn't sure how long he had been there and felt unsettled that those he had trusted most had put him there. How could they do this without any kind of remorse? Spock hadn't seen him since he was in Sickbay. He hadn't come to check on Kirk and he felt alone. A deep ache reminded him that it wasn't the first time Spock had done this. After the five year mission, Spock had left him, wanted to expel himself from all emotion.

_He wanted to rid himself of you, Kirk. He has never loved you._

Kirk sighed heavily, settling down onto the bench, rubbing his throbbing temple. Was that the reason Spock had attempted the _Kolinahr? _He always knew that they held a certain connection, but did the Vulcan feel anything close to love? Was it purely one-sided and he was too kind to correct Kirk? He thought of the times he had reached out to Spock romantically, how many times had Spock reciprocated any affection without Kirk initiating it first?

He sighed.

From his peripheral vision, he saw a dark figure looming at the door. His stomach clenched, was it possible that Spock had come to confirm his fears?

"Spock." He breathed, his heart hammered in his chest, "I was afraid you forgot about me."

_He has forgotten you. You are nothing. _

"That is illogical as we are bond-mates and I have been by your side for nearly thirty years, Jim." Anger pulsated through Kirk's body at his statement.

'_So, it is only because we are bond-mates and old colleagues. Not because you love me.'_ He thought, his vision tunneling from the anger, clenching his jaw.

"Really, Spock?" He glared up at the Vulcan, who stood there with a blank stare, his arms folded neatly behind him. It was Spock's way of distancing himself and Kirk recognized it too well. Spock had done the same before he left for _Gol_.

_He will leave you, Kirk. _

"Do you not remember abandoning me to attempt the _Kolinahr_?" He snapped, he was seething, standing quickly and marching over to him. If Spock didn't want him, if Spock wanted to leave, Kirk wanted him to end it now. "It didn't faze you to forget me then, why should it be any different now?"

Spock's eyebrow arched, his eyes widening, taken aback.

"Jim, I—"

"Shut up, Spock." He spat. Jim didn't want to hear it. It felt like de-ja-vu, he had heard all the excuses before. "I think you were right when I first confessed to you, that us being together is 'highly illogical'. Clearly you do not hold the same standards about our relationship as I do."

_Oh, Kirk, you must be more forceful for him to feel your pain. _The voice cooed.

A sudden heat of anger flared over Jim's body. The intensity of it was something he never felt before. This wasn't his anger; it overwhelmed him, a red haze settling over his vision. He knew he had to calm down but he couldn't bring himself to, the rage rolled like waves through his body, slamming into him. As he looked at Spock all he wanted to do was hurt him, hurt him like _he_ had hurt him. For a terrifying moment, he felt a hatred for the Vulcan.

"Jim, I'm afraid that I do not understand—"

"I want you to leave, Spock!" He shouted and somewhere inside his mind he screamed for the words to stop, but they flowed out of him in a rush. He didn't want to say these words, but they were being forced from his conscious, from his hidden fears. "I no longer want to be tied to you, I want out of this madness we have between us. I realize that I have wasted too much time on _something_ that could not possibly feel any pain for locking their loved one away, and doubting their mentality!"

_Kirk, I didn't know you could be so cruel._

'_Stop! I don't want to do this!'_

_Too late, you already are. _

Kirk recognized the hurt on the Vulcan's face, it was in his eyes and they burned painfully from his words. A sharp pain shot through Kirk's chest, he couldn't turn away, held in place by an invisible force, his body betraying him for the second time.

"It's clear that you have never loved me! Bones was right; you are a cold green-blooded computer, incapable of having any kind of connection with any living being! You should have never come back!"

Something dark flashed in Spock's eyes. The doors released and he rushed Kirk, strong hands grasping his shirt, he was airborne for a moment before a sharp pain rang out in his back as it collided with the wall. The Vulcan's face was inches from his, a vicious snarl escaping his lips. Panic smashed into Kirk, how could he not realize he would never say these things? Didn't he trust him? Something was forcing him to say it.

"How _dare _you." His voice was a low growl.

_I believe we can do a little more, Kirk._

'_No!'_

"You've proven my point." Jim whispered angrily, "I should've let you die."

Spock's pupils dilated; a flicker of murderous intent deep within his eyes. Kirk's heart leapt into his throat, Spock had never looked at him with such disdain. In a speed too quick for him to follow, the Vulcan's fist collided with his jaw with a small crack then sprawled heavily onto the floor. He was stunned for a moment, before trying to regain his footing but Spock was too quick, leaping on top of him, his head smacking the floor that caused a ringing in his ears. An iron grip around his neck constricted the air from his lungs, choking and gasping, trying to relieve the burning in his chest. Fear screaming in his head, his heart hammering in his head. His hand automatically found Spock's wrist, feebly trying to pry him off.

_He'll kill you._

'_No! Spock, please don't!'_

_He desires your death, Kirk._

"Spo—" He tried to speak but felt the hand tighten cutting off the tiny amounts of air he was inhaling, his chest exploded with hot-white pain, his face burned. Tears squeezed from underneath his eyelids and could feel the cool wetness dribbling down his face. A spark of sharp pain erupted at the back of Kirk's skull before Spock roughly released him.

A hiss of air pierced the room as he inhaled; it ached as it reached his chest. He gulped down air, could feel the burning in his face recede. He blearily looked up into the face of the man he loved, the man he vowed to spend the rest of his days with, dark eyes dead, cold.

"Spock!" His voice strained.

Spock rose slowly from on top of him, turning his back to him and strode toward the doorway before stopping.

"I have _always _loved you." He whispered before sealing Kirk inside.

Kirk stumbled to his feet, his throat aching. New tears welled up in his eyes and this time they were caused by a different pain.

"Spock! Please, come back! I love you! Spock!" He shouted after him.

But Spock was gone.

* * *

"Jim, what happened to you?" McCoy demanded; his eyes angrily set upon the purple rings around his neck. Kirk didn't answer, his eyes diverted away, unfocused. He didn't feel like talking. "What happened with Spock? He refuses to come see you, he acts like he…" He trailed off as he noticed a small glimmer in Kirk's eyes. "Dammit, Jim, what did you do?" His whispered softly.

'_He acts like he hates you.' _Kirk finished McCoy's words in his head but stays quiet, his eyes fixed on the wall behind the doctor.

There was a soft sigh.

"Jim, I'm a doctor not a psychic. What's going on with you?" His hand gently touched Kirk's shoulder and he flinched.

"I don't know, Bones." He whispered, "I don't know anymore."

The hand squeezed his arm; he could feel McCoy's eyes on him. He hated when Bones could see through him as if he knew Kirk's thoughts. And he was grateful for this too.

"I'll help you, Jim. Believe me, I won't let them…"

"Thanks, Bones." He turned to look up at him; McCoy's face was concerned, helpless. He turned away from his friend, couldn't bear the emotions. "I know you will."

_You know that's a lie, Kirk. You are alone._

A single tear silently trailed down Kirk's face.

'_I'm alone…'_

_That's correct. Now you are ready. _

* * *

**A/N: I feel so bad for Kirk…I can't wait to make things better. (I know all of you are anxious about it too). Such a sad part of the story when I feel so happy since my son turned 3 months today. Conflicting emotions! Thanks for reading and please review!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: And the shit hits the fan…this is about to get real dark. **

* * *

**Chapter 10**

Kirk was floating in darkness, he felt tired, defeated. A sinister laugh rung out, enveloping him with the sound.

_Now, Kirk, it's time._

'_Time…for what?'_

_You will see._

An image appeared before him, like a film playing. Only Kirk recognized the Federation's cell, seeing out his eyes but they weren't his. It was someone else's vision. The cell door opened to a familiar giant, pale purple eyes staring intently at him.

"Everything is prepared I assume?" His voice rang out but he knew he wasn't the one talking. He couldn't feel his body, couldn't control anything, floating in the black abyss, watching the scene paly out before him.

The giant nodded and he watched himself walk passed him, through the building, stepping over the dead bodies of the security guards. He casually walked from the prison to a large group of giants, staring at him with the same intimidation the one that had retrieved him from the cell had. One reached out with a phaser, handing it to Kirk roughly, grunting.

"Is the process complete?" The giant closest to him asked in a deep brusque voice.

"Yes." Kirk's voice cooed, "His conscious is secured, this body is now free to my control."

"What of the Vulcan? Will he interfere?"

"He is convinced his pathetic Human no longer desires him. He is angry and will not seek Kirk out." Kirk said with a sinister ring. "It is time to put the plan into motion." His hand came into view as he pointed to the left side of the group. "You will commandeer the ships; the rest will follow me."

Kirk watched as he moved smoothly through the hallways into the main Federation building. He prayed that no one would cross his path and was terrified as they rounded the corner to see a cadet standing there.

"Hey! What are you doing?" The man shouted, fumbling for his phaser but Kirk was quicker. He fired, instantly killing the man.

'_No! Stop, don't do this!'_

There was no reply as Kirk's body pressed on, hearing the loud footsteps behind him as the giants trailed behind him. Kirk realized now what was happening, the knowledge slammed into him. Kirk was to act as a catalyst to start a war, no not a war, a holocaust. He didn't understand how, but he couldn't fight it. He was held tight in place in this black void, watching helplessly. He'd be responsible for billions of deaths. No, the numbers would skyrocket; there were other species Khan didn't approve of.

_Oh Kirk, I was beginning to wonder when you would figure it out. I have Mr. Spock to thank for allowing me to…'borrow' your body. _Khan's voice was coated with a dark satisfaction.

'_What do you plan to do with me?'_

Once again there was no answer as he watched phaser fire erupt from the gun in his hand, killing several more people before entering into a room, approaching the secretary. Her eyes wide with fear as two giants moved around Kirk to stand beside her so she couldn't flee.

"A-Admiral Kirk?" She stammered.

"There is a meeting being held, where is the location." Kirk's voice demanded.

"I-I…" she looked desperately between him and the giants.

He approached closer, pressing the gun against her temple.

"They're in meeting room "C"." She sputtered out, tears trailing down her face.

"Thank you darling." The phaser left her temple and before she could sigh with relief, one of the giants gripped ahold of her head, twisting it with a sickening snap, breaking her neck. Without another glance, Kirk's body strode from the room, down the hallway. Kirk was horrified; he desperately attempted to reach Spock through the bond, wanting to scream in frustration when he hit the solid wall.

The room wasn't far as they barged in, the Admiralty rising in alarm to their sudden entrance.

"Admiral Kirk! What the hell are you doing?" The man at the head of the table screamed as the giants fanned out through the room.

"I believe that I am in command now, Admiral Bullock." Kirk sneered.

"You're insane!" He shouted, "You can't seriously believe you'll get away with this?"

"I believe I already have." Kirk nodded to the room and the giants attacked all but Bullock. Limbs were ripped from their sockets, blood sprayed in different directions, some splattering onto Kirk's face. The screams became garbled as some of them were beheaded, some of their necks crushed. The screaming pierced the room before abruptly ending; a ringing in the silence was all that was left, Bullock standing there coated in blood, shocked.

"You…you bastard." Bullock angrily whispered.

"Let's go, Admiral. We have a ship to catch."

* * *

Alarms were ringing through the building, flashes of red light. The announcement that prisoner Kirk had escaped and was armed and dangerous replayed continuously. As they entered the transporter room with one of the giants gripping the Admiral's arm in a vice grip, dragging him along, they were suddenly surprised to see a man in blue scrubs standing there, glaring. He stood his ground, eyes wide in horror for a moment before his eyebrows furrowed, his face tinting red with anger. He held a device in his hand, jamming the transporter.

"I didn't want to believe it." He snarled, "You have gone mad. I…I have to stop you."

A laugh erupted from Kirk.

"And how do you suppose to do that?" He voice oozed amusement as he casually stepped towards him.

_Leave him alone! _

"Jim." He slowly approached Kirk's body, one hand held behind his back. He walked until he was mere inches from Kirk, staring with glistening eyes. "I'm…sorry." His arm swung around and Kirk's body was too slow to react as the blade bit deep into the flesh on the side of his stomach. Kirk's body only made a small grunt before gripping the hilt, pulling it out, grasping ahold of the man's arm before returning the blade deep into the man's chest.

'_Bones!' _Kirk's mind cried out, watching as his friend's eyes widened, a gurgle sound escaping his lips before falling to the ground with a thud.

"Such a shame." Kirk's voice snickered, staring down at his limp body, blood pooling from the wound. He bent down, ripping the device from the doctor's hand.

_You didn't think I'd let your friends live, did you Kirk?_

Kirk's mind began to retreat, he didn't want to see anymore but something stopped him, keeping him from sinking into the abyss.

_No, Kirk, you will watch._

Kirk's foot kicked McCoy's face, breaking the nose, spraying his friend's blood onto his pants.

"Beam us aboard." He barked at one of the giants, tossing him the device and he crushed it, unjamming the beam. Kirk's body sauntered up onto the transporter pads; Admiral Bullock dragged up to one as well, along with several other giants. Kirk took in the last glance of McCoy's body, despair filling him inside as the familiar beams formed around him, rematerializing back onto the _Enterprise. _

"Get down to engineering, and you," he pointed to the giant who held the Admiral, "bring him along to the bridge." The giant snarled but obeyed, following as Kirk's body maneuvered through the familiar ship, into the lift. The ship had been emptied out after Kirk had been arrested, leaving it vulnerable for access.

"What are you planning on doing?" The admiral growled lowly at Kirk in the small space.

"You will see soon enough, Admiral."

The doors hissed open and the giant roughly pushed the Admiral onto the bridge before coming to an abrupt halt. Kirk's body circled around him before he ground to a halt himself. Standing in the center of the room, arms folded behind his back, and staring with an icy glare was Spock.

"Why, Spock. Come to watch?" Kirk's voice cooed.

"You will release him." Spock said coldly.

"Who are you referring to?" Kirk laughed. "I am no longer in need of this body. Once I kill him, you may have him back."

"You will not harm him." Spock growled.

"Oh?" Kirk said smugly, stepping forward toward the Vulcan. "And what will stop me? His body is already dying, Mr. Spock. It would only be merciful, wouldn't you agree?" He pressed his fingers to the wound before holding them up, blood glistening in the light.

Spock strode forward, meeting Kirk's body midway before lashing out quicker than the human body could react, gripping Kirk's throat in his hand.

"I have your body, Khan. And now, I have your mind." He growled.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading, please review!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

"Spock! Are you out of your Vulcan mind? Do you realize what could happen?" McCoy hissed after the doors had slammed shut, still standing on the transporter pads.

"I am aware. Doctor," He turned to the man who stared at him with wide eyes, "I require a private session with you."

McCoy gawked at him, confused. Spock ignored him as he pulled the communicator from his pocket, pressing the transmission, "Mr. Scott."

"Aye, sir?"

"Have all personal except security beamed down immediately."

"Bu' sir, we cannae keep anyone on tha' ship."

"I understand, Mr. Scott. However, it is detrimental that the team remains aboard. They are to stay in meeting room 'B' until further instructions are given." He said firmly, "That is an order, Mr. Scott."

There was a brief silence before a tentative voice softly spoke, "Aye, sir."

Spock flipped the communicator shut, turning his attention back to the baffled doctor, inclining his head as he said, "If you would follow me?"

McCoy raised an eyebrow but silently followed him through the doors Jim had been drug through, down the hall, until they reached a debriefing room. Spock gestured with his hand and McCoy entered, watching Spock warily as the Vulcan shut the door, ordering the computer to lock it.

"Spock?"

"Doctor." Spock's voice softened. "I must convey my sincerest apologies."

McCoy's eyes narrowed toward him.

"Why?" His voice was coated thick with suspicion.

Spock approached him silently, his eyes never leaving him until they were inches apart.

"I have entered your mind without your consent. Even though my intentions were to keep you safe from danger, my actions are unforgivable." His voice was low, apologetic.

The doctor took a step back, alarmed.

"What? What are you talking about, Spock?" A hint of panic weeded through the doctor's voice and he felt a pang of guilt for betraying his friend. But there was no time to explain, their time was running short.

"I'm afraid I do not have sufficient time to explain further. Please allow me to retrieve the memories I have blocked from you. It is essential." His hand reached up toward McCoy's face, hovering, waiting for his approval.

"I don't understand." McCoy said flatly, eying Spock's hand.

"Please, Doctor. It may save Jim's life."

McCoy's eyebrows raised in surprise.

"I thought you no longer cared for him." He whispered harshly. When Spock didn't reply he sighed heavily, "Alright." He groused. "But don't think this conversation is over."

"Understood, Doctor."

Spock placed his fingers against McCoy's cool skin, locating the psi points before there was a flash as images, thoughts, and colors whirled before him. He sifted through them, trudging along until he reached the furthest point of his mind. A metal box wrapped in chains was placed out of the way in a black corner, forgotten. He reached for it, tugging at the binds he had placed onto it until they crumpled in his hands. Unlatching the box, he gently grasped a flickering light, gingerly pulling it out. It shook desperately in his hand before flying from him, illuminating the dark corner the box had been set in. Once it was secured, he eased himself from the doctor's mind.

McCoy stumbled backwards a few steps, gasping for breath. He trembled as the hidden knowledge pooled into his cerulean orbs. Shaking his head, his hands reached up to his temples, rubbing them feverishly.

"Jim." McCoy whispered. "Dammit. Jim…they, he—" He glanced up to Spock. "What did they do to him?" He demanded. "Why did you block this? What's Khan planning?" His face tinted red again as he advanced on the Vulcan.

"Doctor, you must calm yourself. If you wish to help Jim, you must follow my instructions."

"Why?" McCoy barked, "You've known what was happening this entire time! Why should I trust you now that you've betrayed him?"

His stomach clenched, he didn't blame him for his distrust.

"It was essential." He said flatly.

"Essential? Is that all you can say? Dammit, Spock, what the hell is going on? You are always on Jim's side even when he's in the wrong, why has it changed now? Why do you hate him?"

His body stilled as he absorbed the comment.

"I do not hate him." He said softly. "I had to protect him."

McCoy shook his head.

"You're not making sense. Where's the logic in how you've acted toward him? I remember the bruises around his neck, were you protecting him then?" He snapped.

Spock tilted is head, nodding solemnly.

"I regret my actions. I acted upon impulse. But I assure you; those actions were a form of protection."

"What do you mean?"

Spock's eyes bored into McCoy's, blazing with an anger he had suppressed.

"I had to appear that I no longer desired him. I was aware that Khan would be controlling him and I was aware that Jim harbored fears about our bonding. I allowed his words through my shields so that I would act impulsively. It was essential that I distanced myself from Jim in order to conceive Khan's future actions without suspicion. If he had become aware of my actions, he would have killed Jim. He is currently under the assumption that I am ignorant to his plans."

Spock's hands clenched tightly. A lump formed in his throat and fought against it.

"I did not wish to harm him. He must _believe_ that I will come for him." His voice lowered to a whisper, "I will not allow his death at Khan's hands."

There was a moment of silence before he stepped toward Spock, his hand resting on the Vulcan's shoulder.

"Spock." McCoy's voice softened, "What can I do?"

The Vulcan let out a shallow breath.

"You must render him helpless." Spock reached inside a pocket in his uniform, pulling out a knife; the blade shimmered in the low lighting. "As you are a doctor, you know where you must strike where it will not be deemed critical."

McCoy's eyes widened in silent horror, his hand slipped away from his shoulder.

"You can't be serious? I can't attack Jim!"

"You must doctor. He cannot be stunned, he must remain conscious or Jim will be lost." He reached out and touched McCoy's shoulder causing him to jerk with alarm. "And you must not allow him to see that you are aware of his condition."

He held the blade out to the doctor and watched as his hand trembled as he grasped it.

"You're sure this is the only option?" McCoy whispered.

"Affirmative."

_It will save his reputation, his life._

* * *

Spock stormed the hallways of the _Enterprise_, leading the security group deep into the underbelly, in a location that was barely operable. They halted at the door Spock had once pondered to enter. Now that the crew were safely off the ship and Jim was too far for Khan to realize what was transpiring, Spock seized the opportunity to ambush Khan's weakness. It lay just beyond, Spock could sense it.

"Phasers set to kill." He commanded and waited as the guards clicked to the appropriate setting. "There will be hostiles, do not hesitate." Spock reached for the control panel, keying in the proper code.

The doors swished open to reveal four giants. They glanced up, snarling, before they rushed from the room. Phaser fire erupted; quick flashes of light before there were four large bodies on the floor, their flesh sizzling at the wounds, a putrid smell hung in the air.

He turned to the team, "Half of you report to engineering. I surmise they aim to use this vessel and will opt to secure that area first. The rest of you will follow me."

They nodded silently as they broke up into two groups. Spock walked cautiously into the room. It was spacious enough to hold a large group of their species. A gurney sat against a barren wall, a body lay upon it, covered with a sheet. He strode fluently to the figure, removing the sheet from the face to reveal Khan's body. Spock reached out, touching the skin of his face, feeling the body warm beneath his fingers.

Khan's body was barely alive; it wouldn't be long before it ceased to function.

"You are to stand guard, do not allow any person in or out of this room. I will reach you by communicator, follow my instructions." He turned to the guards, his arms clasping behind his back and they straightened in response. "If I order to kill, you must do so."

"But—"

"I will accept full responsibility." He cut the young guard off, staring at him with icy eyes until he shrunk away from him, slinking over to the gurney before standing upright, eyes focused. The other guards follow suit without further instruction.

He swept from the room, keying the code into the door and locking it firmly before taking off for the bridge. It would be Khan's desire to defraud Jim's nature further by using him to steal the ship. Although, Jim had done so before and barely got away with it, he feared this time would cost his bond-mate his welfare. Spock could not let Khan reach his goal; he would not allow him to use Jim any longer.

A growl set low in his chest as he thought of the pain Khan had inflicted on Jim. He fantasized about ripping his conscious apart, stripping it until a single strand remained. It would be enough for Khan to be aware and enough for him to live in agonizing pain for the remainder of his days.

He thought of Jim's face. Tears welling up in those honey eyes as they pleaded, begged for him.

_I will save you. Believe, Jim._

* * *

**A/N: I truly do adore Spock. Thanks for reading and please review!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

The lift's door hissed open as a giant dragged the Admiral onto the bridge, the creature stopped at the sight of him. Jim's body circled around him and stopped. Spock felt a jolt, his stomach curling in knots. Jim was coated with blood, who's it belonged to, he was unsure. The once crimson liquid was now drying in dark patches on his skin, his clothes were stained a dark red, the gleam in his eye was simply psychotic with no trace of the softness that belonged to Jim. Khan had reign over his body and if he didn't act quickly, Jim would cease to exist.

An unnatural sadistic smile spread wide on Jim's face that sent a chill through him.

"Why, Spock. Come to watch?" Jim's voice cooed.

"You will release him." He said icily, a possessive growl was settling low in his chest.

"Who are you referring to?" Jim laughed, the tone was sinister. "I am no longer in need of this body. Once I kill him, you may have him back."

Anger flared in his core, his thoughts filling with a red haze.

"You will not harm him." Spock growled.

"Oh?" Jim said smugly, stepping forward toward the Vulcan. "And what will stop me? His body is already dying, Mr. Spock. It would only be merciful, wouldn't you agree?" He pressed his fingers to the wound before holding them up, blood glistening in the light.

McCoy had pulled through with the plan, it wouldn't be long before Jim's body would become too weak to host Khan's mind. Spock strode forward, meeting Jim midway before lashing out quicker than the human could react, gripping Jim's throat in his hand.

"I have your body, Khan. And now, I have your mind." He growled. Before Khan could react, Spock's hands reached for the psi points, tearing into Khan's conscious.

_Vines._

_Tall shrubs of vines stood before him, sharp thorns jutted from them. He stood at the edge, contemplating how he would proceed. Jim was secured here, he heard his mind crying, screaming, pleading. _

_A voice echoed in the darkness, "Let me die…let me die…" _

_He reached for the vine hedge, his hand grasping onto it and was surprised as they fell limp onto his palm. He pushed them aside gently, easing his way inside until there was an opening. The hedge becoming thorn walls, a maze. Spock heard whimpers, they were faint, distant._

_He darted through the maze quickly, approaching dead ends several times before retracing his steps. Khan's mind was a game; Spock had to proceed with caution. He wound his way through the rows, deeper into his mind, feeling uneasy that he met no resistance. Khan was a cunning individual; he would not allow the Vulcan easy access without a cost. But Spock couldn't stop now, Jim was fading quickly. If he couldn't retrieve him in time, all would be lost. _

_The maze opened into a wide plain surrounded by maze walls. A man was curled on the stone floor, whimpering softly. _

"_Jim!" Spock rushed to him, his hand touching his back. _

"_Spock." He whispered as he looked up to him, tears tracking down his face. He stood, his hand reaching for Spock. "You came for me." Something dark slithered over his face for a split second and Spock was taken aback._

"_Jim?" A vine jutted out suddenly from the wall, gripping his wrist tightly as another flung out, wrapping itself around the other. The vines rushed him, enveloping him, crawling their way up his arms, around his torso, holding him firmly in place. _

_The image of Jim laughed._

"_Come now, Mr. Spock. I expected better of you." _

_From behind the imposter, the vines on the back wall curled away to reveal the real Jim. His form was cocooned in the vines. His eyes half-lidded and his mouth barely moved as he whispered repeatedly, "Let me die…let me die…"_

"_T'hy'la!" He pulled against the vines that held him in place. A thorn stabbed into him, his body outside the meld jerked from the sensation, could feel his warm blood seeping through his uniform. _

"_I wouldn't do that, Mr. Spock." The false Jim morphed slowly until Khan stood before him, a sinister smile on his face. "You might injure yourself." _

"_You have successfully connected the metaphysical being with that of the physical." Spock deduced. "A rare trait to obtain." His eyes narrowed. _

"_That is correct, Mr. Spock. They presented me with their gift, and I in return, deplete the insignificant races from the universe. A fair trade I may add since that was my initial intention." _

_There was a quick motion behind Khan, so quick Spock nearly missed it. Khan's attention had been narrowed on Spock long enough for Jim's bindings to loosen. Vines looped over Khan, tightening around his midsection, the thorns digging deep into his flesh. At the moment of impact, Jim and Khan both cried out, the same deep wounds appearing on Jim's midsection. _

"_Jim!" Spock understood Jim's plan. Since they were tied to the same body, he was sacrificing himself to destroy Khan's essence. He couldn't allow that to happen. _

_Spock gripped the vines around him, using his mental strength to snap them enough for them to loosen. He pushed through them, gaining the small distance between them and as he reached Khan's image, his hand lashed out to Khan's face. Jim's body was weak enough for him not to escape the meld, he was his. Khan's eyes widened in horror as Spock's fingers lay against his temple._

"_I believe the proper phrase is 'fuck you'." Spock said darkly before a piercing scream rung out in the darkness. Khan's image twisted, distorting, his skin chipped and ripped away from him. Spock ripped him, tore through every fiber of his essence until there was nothing left but ashes at his feet. _

_Jim's eyes were wide, glittering with tears as he reached for him before falling forward._

Spock ripped away from the meld as Jim's form smashed into him. He grasped him, easing him to his knees. He panted heavily, deep wounds bled steadily from his midsection. His skin had broken out in a cold sweat with a high fever; he shivered in Spock's arms.

Spock glanced up at the new group of people standing near the Turbolift. The giant laid dead on the floor, the Admiral stood still, blood drained from his face as he watching intently. He shouldn't have underestimated their loyalty and curiosity. A man moved away from the group, hastily making his way over to the two of them.

"Spock! Vhat do ve need to do?"

"Mr. Chekov, cripple the remaining vessels in the dock immediately, they have been compromised."

"Aye, sir!" He took off towards his station.

Spock lifted Jim into his arms, his head rested on his shoulder. He turned towards the rest of the bridge crew who stared in silent horror.

"Mr. Scott, I need you to beam us down, including the Admiral."

"Oh… aye, sir!"

"Miss Uhura, alert the security team to dispose of Khan's body." He ordered quickly as he fleeted by her into the lift.

"Yes, sir?"

The Admiral stumbled along behind him into the lift, his eyes unfocused. Jim's head lolled, a whimper escaping him. He clutched Jim to him tighter. The wall that had blocked their bond had dissipated the moment Khan was destroyed. Waves of Jim's inner turmoil smashed into him along with the pain from the wounds of his body. Tears stung at Spock's eyes at Jim's pain, he growled lowly, angry that he could do nothing more at the moment but rush him to receive treatment.

They rematerialized back into the room where Jim had been arrested. A giant puddle of blood glittered in the light on the floor.

"Admiral, please accompany me to the Sick Ward." He didn't ask him and didn't wait for him to respond as he took off, taking long strides out the doors and into the hallway. His heart hammered against his side, he could feel the bond stretching, straining. Jim was running out of time.

He charged into the ward without a second thought.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing? Get him out of here!" A young doctor yelled, his arms flailing, eyes wide.

Spock circled around him, gently lying Jim on the biobed before turning and gripping the collar of the man's scrubs. He snarled at the human, tightening the collar until the man choked for air.

"You _will_ help him." He spat through gritted teeth.

"O-okay." The doctor's voice was strained, "I will."

Spock released him and watched as he scrambled to get supplies, calling for nurses in the progress. He moved over to Jim, grasping his hand. It was clammy, cold. He leaned down to Jim's face, placing a soft kiss upon his temple.

"Hold on, _T'hy'la_." He whispered.

Jim whimpered softly.

"Spock." He whispered before the heart monitor flat lined.

* * *

**A/N: The story is not over yet! Forgive me for any mistakes, had a very tiring day. Thanks for reading and please review!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

No more pain.

A bright light blinded him, bathing him in the warm glow. The surroundings slowly morphing into solid form before him and he recognized the familiar setting.

The bridge.

Though it was empty and was caressed softly with the warm light. He felt transparent as he strode over to his chair, running a hand along the arm rest. He weighed nothing, felt nothing. Where was he?

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" A voice echoed from behind him and he turned to seek out the face it belonged to.

A young man stood before him, his body lean, hardly any muscle build. Blond hair cut short and sleeked back, a wonderment sparkling in his amber eyes.

"It is." Kirk replied.

The young man approached him, a small smile playing on his face. It seemed painfully familiar.

"Who are you?" Kirk asked tentatively.

"I am the one you need." The young man said softly.

Kirk's eyebrows furrowed with confusion.

"And what is it I need?"

The young man chuckled, his eyebrows raised slightly.

"Innocence, purity, virtue. You must not be afraid." His hand reached out, the slender fingers waiting patiently before Kirk's hand lay upon them. They were solid but not, warm yet cold. The contact tingled, sending small sparks through him.

"You're…me?" He whispered.

The young man's smile broadened.

"Yes. I am the part of you that you hide. I am your fear."

"Fear?" Kirk mumbled.

The fingers that held his hand began to burn with a comfortable heat; the image of his younger self morphed slowly, dark hair replacing the blond, chocolate irises bleeding through, the lean body gaining height. The Vulcan stared at him with impassive eyes.

"Yes, Captain. Fear that you may be abandoned, a love not reciprocated."

The image morphed again, a disgruntled man stood before him with a scowl, cerulean eyes blazing into him.

"Fear of guilt, of blame."

The image morphed again, an older gentlemen stood there with a soft smile. The man's features roughly resembled himself though it was not him. The man stood straight, proud.

"Fear of underachievement, of failure, fear of tainting the legacy in the name of my son."

Kirk released the hand, stepping backward and watched as the image adjusted again to the familiar Vulcan. His arms folded neatly behind his back, eyes boring into him. He shook his head, his back bumping against the chair he had known for far too long.

"I don't understand." His voice strained. "Am I dead?"

The Vulcan's eyebrow arched.

"That is your decision, Jim."

"Why are you here now? Why have you replaced my younger self?" Kirk demanded.

"I am the form you most desire me to be to aid you toward a conclusion." He said flatly. "Do you wish for my absence?"

"No!" Kirk shouted, his hand reaching out, hovering in the air. "No." He said softly. "I don't want to be alone."

The Vulcan approached him.

"You are not alone. Do you not sense them?"

"Them?" Kirk's eyebrows rose questionably. "I don't under—"

Kirk was cut off as a sudden explosion of sound that echoed through the room. The sounds were loud and faded quickly; the words were confusing to him.

"_T'hy'la…"_

"_Jim, you idiot, open your eyes…"_

"_You must not give in…"_

"_Don't you dare leave us…"_

"_Jim…"_

"_Jim…"_

"_Jim…"_

Kirk raised his hands to his ears to cover them, wishing to drown them out. His eyes clenched shut.

"I've hurt all of you! You should _hate _me!" He shouted into the emptiness. "I don't deserve…" he trailed off as a hand gripped his arm. His eyes shot open to find two amber eyes staring at him, his younger self standing before him.

"Listen closely." The young man said softly, "Do you believe in what I represent to be truth? You must choose. Will you leave this behind?"

_Will you leave them behind? _The unspoken question rung heavily in the air as Kirk fumbled clumsily for the right words, the right choice.

"You are my fear, my younger self. I shouldn't fear the outcome, I am…"

"Loved." The young man nodded, "You accept this fact?"

"Yes. It took me way too long but…I do."

"That is your conclusion." The Vulcan was suddenly before him again, an eyebrow rising. "Have you decided?"

"Yes, I have." Kirk stood straighter. "There's somewhere I'm still needed."

"Indeed. You must wake." The Vulcan said firmly and a jolt ran through Kirk's body.

"What…what was that?"

"Wake." The Vulcan said again as another electrifying jolt shuddered through him. The room's soft light brightened, drowning his sight in white, so bright it was nearly painful before he plummeted into darkness.

* * *

He was drifting in the black void, listening to the voices around him.

"I blame you, you damn green-blooded, pointy-eared—"

"I believe derogatory terms will be inefficient in aiding his recovery."

"Dammit, I don't know why I'm still arguing with you, I'm losing my damn mind!" He groused.

"It is illogical to assume it possible to—"

"Sarcasm is still a foreign concept to you, isn't it?" He cut him off.

Kirk felt himself rush back into a solid form, coughing as a weak laugh escaped his lips. His body ached but was thankful for the soft bed he lied upon. The conversation abruptly cut off at the sound. The action of laughing was painful, but he kept the small smile on his face, eyes peeking open to find wide cerulean ones staring down at him before dropping in a more relaxed form.

"I thought…I had killed you." Kirk said weakly.

Bones grunted in response.

"Well, Jim, you gave it the ol'college try but you forget, I'm a stubborn old man." Bones grumbled, his lips twitching at the side of his mouth in a small smirk.

"You…aren't angry?" Kirk asked hesitantly.

"Yes I am Jim. I'm absolutely _livid_! The green-blooded idiot over here tried to play 'The Mighty Hobgoblin' and save the day with the power of his pointy-ears and mind control. And believe me; he's quite smug about it." McCoy's eyes widened with emphasis.

A grin widened on Kirk's face, another painful laugh escaping him.

"Doctor, your description is quite perplexing. I do not understand its reference." Spock's voice spoke mildly from the other side of Kirk.

"It means you're a complete idiot for trying to solve this on your own. I swear the two of you are going to be the death of me! But…" Bones trailed off, his voice softer, "If it weren't for you, we all could have…things could have…" His eyes dropped, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but thank you Spock."

Kirk glanced over to Spock who arched an eyebrow toward the doctor.

"It is illogical to 'thank' me when I merely acted upon my required duties."

McCoy scoffed at him for a moment before grunting in frustration.

"Why do I even bother?" He threw his hands in the air, "I'm going to lie down before I get a headache." He growled, looking back down at Kirk with a serious glare. "And don't you _dare_ go anywhere; the Admiral wants to speak with you." He turned and left the private room, mumbling angrily below his breath.

An awkward silence fell upon the room; Kirk listened to the heart monitor, silently reminiscing of the incident in the brig. He had to apologize, he didn't mean it.

"Spock—"

"Jim, I apologize for inflicting pain upon you." Spock quickly interjected. "My actions are unforgivable, and I have betrayed you." There was softness to his eyes, they glimmered in the light.

"Spock…I understand why you did it."

Spock's eyebrow arched curiously.

"I do not understand how you are able to deduce my reasoning without a detailed explanation?"

Kirk smiled weakly at him.

"Isn't there a reason I'm your bond-mate? Shouldn't I know you by now?" He whispered. "You did what you had to because you…love me." He finished softly, glancing away, a fear welling up inside him, curling his stomach in a hard knot. Did Spock still love him?

There was a palpable pause before Spock replied.

"Yes." Spock's voice was barely above a whisper and a hard lump formed in Kirk's throat.

"I'm…glad." Kirk's voice strained as a sob escaped him. He wasn't sure where the urge had come from, but before he knew it, his vision blurred and tears streaked down his face. Another sob wracked his body and he tried to choke it back causing a sudden dizziness. When he recovered, heated pads of fingers were stroking his face; he could feel the Vulcan's breath warm against his face. "Forgive me, Spock." He croaked as a new wave of tears spilled from underneath his closed eyelids.

"_T'hy'la_, there is nothing to forgive." His voice faltered and Kirk opened his eyes to see a single tear sliding from his dark eyes.

Before he could respond, Spock's mouth had found his. Warm, gentle, everything that he loved about the way Spock kissed him. He melted into it as Spock's thumb caressed Kirk's cheek gingerly. It felt like time was eluding them, unsure of how long they had been kissing until someone cleared their throat causing Kirk to jerk in alarm. Spock pulled away to reveal the Admiral, arms crossed, staring away from the two of them.

"Sorry to interrupt your…moment." He said through gritted teeth, "But I require a private conversation with you, Mr. Kirk."

"This could not be postponed until he has made a full recovery?" Spock growled lowly, protectively.

The Admiral shot him an indignant glare.

"Not if you wish the death sentence upon him, Mr. Spock."

* * *

**A/N: Even though Kirk is a very confident man, when I watched the series, there were many moments that his insecurity and fears would slip through. I kind of wanted to incorporate them, since Khan wanted to inflict that on him. I think either the next chapter or the one after will be the end. Thanks for sticking through this with me and please review!**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: This will be in Spock's POV, enjoy!  
**

* * *

**Chapter 14**

"_Not if you wish the death sentence upon him, Mr. Spock."_

The Admiral padded across the room until he stood at the foot of the biobed, eyeing Jim suspiciously, crossing his arms over his chest. Spock stared icily at the man, he understood the Federation viewed the security tapes and it appeared to be Jim causing harm, however, the doctor and he had been debriefed of the situation, testifying that Jim had been innocent. They had been under the assumption that Jim would not be held fully accountable, he was mistaken.

"As First Officer and bond-mate to James Kirk, I obtain the right to monitor the discussion while he is not of optimal health." He folded his arms behind his back, squaring his shoulders as he glared at the man.

"Spock, I—"

"That will not be acceptable." The Admiral cut Jim off, glancing up to Spock before returning his gaze to Jim.

"It is within my rights, Admiral."

"Fine." He barked, "You may stay, but do not test my authority, Mr. Spock." He retorted.

Jim glanced at Spock warily.

_Be calm, T'hy'la. I will not allow any harm to come to you._

"Mr. Kirk, as you are aware, the Federation has valid proof to criminalize you."

"Yes." Jim's voice wavered.

"Your crew has been debriefed, and we realize there have been occurrences during your previous five year mission that caused you to make illogical and dangerous decisions as well."

A small smile twitched at Jim's mouth.

"Yes…my First Officer was sure to make me aware of such incidents."

The Admiral nodded.

"We have also revisited your reports of the being 'Khan'."

Jim's eyebrows rose curiously.

"Where are you going with this, Admiral?" He asked tentatively.

"We are wary, Mr. Kirk. We are not sure to hold you fully accountable for the deaths that occurred." He glanced up to Spock, "I understand the Vulcans possess the ability to place…_suggestions_ inside the mind."

Spock felt a wave of anger ignite the bond. It flared over his skin in a tingly heat.

_Calm, Jim._

_No! I won't let him pin this on you._

"If you're about to suggest what I think you're about to, you better watch yourself." Jim growled at him.

"He has already confessed to messing with your mind." The Admiral replied angrily. "Don't defend him."

"I still killed them, he stopped me. You should be _thanking _him." Jim's fists clenched tightly, "If you need someone to blame—blame me."

"And what about Khan?"

"I think you know enough about him to make up your own mind." Jim snapped. "I can't prove to you it was Khan controlling me, and I refuse to play this little game with you."

The Admiral was silent for a moment, scanning Jim's face.

"You do understand that I'm the final decision to your fate?"

"I'm aware." Jim looked away from him, glancing up to Spock, fear spilling into his honey eyes.

Spock reached out, grasping his hand tightly. Jim's fear leaked through the bond, uncertain about his future. Spock quickly raised his shields; he felt the same though he didn't want Jim to know. Jim needed him and he couldn't allow his own fear to upset him further.

"The Federation is seeking the death penalty. I was in agreement until recently. However, there needs to be some form of justice." The Admiral spoke softly. "The other option is sentencing you to five years on _Rura Penthe._"

"No!" Spock snarled and Jim flinched. "I will not allow it."

"What do you suggest, Mr. Spock? This is a serious crime. If anything, I am saving his life."

Spock paused a moment, scanning the Admiral with his eyes. This man who had witnessed what would be only associated as a traumatic event, seemed to be eerily calm, able to meet Jim's eyes without any hesitation. His eyebrow arched, could it be possible?

"Admiral." Spock began, "I find it…_fascinating_ that the decision lies solely in your hands. It is how you say…'ironic' that the other influential parties have perished." He released Jim's hand, striding around the biobed to the man. "You also appear to be anxious for a sentence to be carried out as you were unwilling to wait for him to be released from medical care." Spock stopped within a few inches, glaring down at him.

The Admiral smiled bitterly.

"Are you accusing me of something, Mr. Spock?" He asked icily.

"No, Admiral, I am merely stating an observation." Spock inclined his head, "However, if I can recall correctly, were you not the person who relayed the orders to assist the habitants of the planet?"

_What? _Jim's confused voice echoed in Spock's mind._ I…I don't remember that! _

"Yes, but you can't honestly think that I had anything to do with your kidnapping?" He retorted, eyes narrowing.

"Of course not." Spock said mildly. "I would never assume you are capable of such devious behavior. However, it is curious that you had required a meeting with the entire Admiralty without extending invitation to that of Admiral Kirk."

The man's eyes widened, taking a half step backward.

"He was on duty."

Spock nodded.

"Yes. However, is it not protocol for the entire party to be present for conferences?"

The Admiral's body jerked, fist clenching.

"Who are you to question me?" He snarled, "I order you to leave!"

Anger flared through Spock's body. This man had been the cause, had conspired with Khan. He lashed out; grasping a fistful of the man's uniform, hoisting him up off the ground, bringing him within inches of the Vulcan's face.

"The culprit behind this scheme was you." He growled. "You had no intentions of sentencing him, you desired him isolated to end his life, keep him from testifying on his own behalf."

The Admiral smirked.

"And? Who are they going to believe? A love struck Vulcan and the madman who caused multiple deaths and plotted a holocaust or a well-respected Admiral?" He sneered.

"Normally, you would be the preferable choice. However, anticipating your arrival, I asked the good Doctor to monitor Mr. Kirk's health in case his services were needed."

The Admiral gaped at him, face paling.

"You…don't mean…?"

Before he could finish the doors swished open behind them, a group of guards entered lead by a disgruntled doctor who stopped and crossed his arms, glaring.

"I believe the phrase is, 'the cat is out of the bag', Admiral." Spock's voice dropped to a harsh whisper, "You will _never _harm him again."

* * *

Spock keyed in the override to the observation deck knowing full well he would be in it. The lights were off, his body outlined only by the starlight. His hands clasped behind him, a small hunch to his shoulders. Spock maneuvered through the room until he stood inches behind him, waiting.

"Spock." Jim said softly. "Do I really deserve to have it back?"

"The _Enterprise _has always deserved such a Captain as you, Jim."

Jim turned, tears glittering in the dim light.

"You can't mean that." He whispered.

He lifted his hand, caressing the soft skin of Jim's face.

"A Vulcan never lies." He said gently. "You were not to blame. The appropriate traitor was caught, brought to justice. However, you have still taken the liberty of punishing yourself. Why?"

"They still died by my hands, Spock." His voice wavered as he leaned into the Vulcan, his arms snaking around him. "How…how can…"

"Be still, _T'hy'la_." Spock soothed, his hand stroking through the softness of Jim's hair. "You are worthy to the ship and its crew simply by your remorse, compassion." He leaned down, placing a kiss into his hair. "And you are worthy as my bond-mate, a lesser man would not have attempted to sacrifice himself."

Jim stiffened for a moment before clutching the back of the Vulcan's uniform, shaking his head against his chest.

"Forgive yourself, _T'hy'la_. It is over." Spock said gently.

"I'll try." He whispered.

Spock eased Jim away slightly, cupping the side of his face before leaning down, "I cherish thee." He whispered against the Human's lips.

The lips twitched in a small smile as Jim whispered, "Always?"

"Always."

* * *

**A/N: That's it! Final Chapter! Thank you SO much to all my readers and reviewers for sticking through this till the end. I enjoyed each and every review and am thankful for each follow and favorite! Also a BIG thank you to my husband who reads everything I write (no matter how tired he is). **

**I will do a Q&A if any of you are interested. You can ask about the story or me as an author. I'll accept up to 15 questions. **

**Again, thank you and don't forget to review!**


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